maunie's picture

15 year old daughter and birth control

Hi, I saw the poll on whether you would comply with your 15 year old's request for birth control and decided to write since my daughter and I have been discussing that exact thing. She has other reasons for asking - like decreased cramping, acne, mood swings - but I'm not fooled into thinking that she is not contemplating sex with her boyfriend. He has told her he will wait until she is ready (he is 17) and by all accounts is a good kid himself. However, my husband has moved out and filed for divorce, my daughter prefers to be with him although he is rarely home with his work schedule and lives with his mother and divorced sister and her two children. My daughter says being with her boyfriend is the only time she doesn't feel the pressure of our situation and I understand. I didn't want a divorce and am having a hard time with all of this and I don't live as close to her friends as her father does. My next problem is that I myself was pregnant at 15 and my parents took me to New York (illegal in my state at the time) for an abortion. I didn't disagree that at the time this was the best decision. I was fully aware of my actions at the time and the consequences (there is a lot more to all of this but to keep it short these are the basic facts I'm taking into consideration). I haven't told my daughter about this pregnancy but my husband knows. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I made (like most parents)but am not sure what to tell her. I do encourage her to talk to me about anything without judgement. Any suggestions?

2xstepmom's picture

Put her on the pill. My 25 y/o daughter has thanked me over and over for putting her on the pill. Many of her friends have children because their parents refused to allow them to take the pill. My daughter waited until she was nearly 19 and is glad we were (and are) close enough to have honest discussions.

acitez's picture

Put her on the pill AND have a discussion with her about how our emotions are made even stronger when we add sex to a relationship. Explain that the people we love when we are fifteen are almost never the people we love when we are twenty-five, and that means a break-up that will be even harder if there has been a sexual relationship. Tell her you are giving her this information so that when she breaks up with the boy, and she says "Why didn't you tell me it would be this hard?" you can hold her close and say, "I did."

Also remember, the pill does nothing about STDs.

Have a look at this thread, too. It's from a woman who told her daughter about an abortion.
Message Boards › Parenting › Raising Teens › Desperately Seeking Help: 16 yr old dghtr gone bad

kedzfam4's picture

When I was a teenager, my mother and I considered using the pill to regulate my periods, lessen the intensity of them, etc. But what my mom told me then was that a woman should only be on the pill for so many years before her body needs a break.(I think its something like ten years.) Anyway, we discussed that since at 15, I wasn't ready to have sex why waste the time on the pill? I may really be wanting to have the protection at a later age when I actually would be needing it. Does this make sense? So, I endured the heaviness, cramping, etc. of the periods until I was older (18) and decided I was actually ready to have sex.
Maybe this discussion would touch base with your daughter about wether or not she's using it for the sex aspect or the regulation. I completely understand putting her on the pill if she IS going to have sex (better safe than sorry), but this may open her up to waiting if she's in doubt. Good luck, I wish you all the best. I hope this helped.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

First of all, I think it's great that you and your daughter can talk openly about these things. I hope to have such a relationship w/ my children when they're older. I agree that you shld put your daughter on the pill for protection against pregnancy. Also, since you have such a close relationship w/ her, I think you shld talk to her about everything (the divorce, her relationship w/ her BF, her feelings about sex, safe sex, STDs, your abortion...). Based on what you said, it does sound like your daughter may be contemplating sex. It's your job to find out why, and also to direct your daughter in the best way possible. If your daughter is having a hard time w/ your separation from her father, she may be looking for an outlet. Make sure your daughter knows when she's ready. She shldn't just jump into something b/c she feels pressured, or she's looking for a distraction. You want to be sure she has no regrets. On the other hand, we all learn from our experiences. That's what growing up is all about. Good luck w/ everything.

donna70's picture

put her on the pill i have a daughter sleeping in the next room she is 16 she has most things a teen has in her room except something more she has a baby crib waiting on her own little girl to be here in july, i too was a teen mom not with her but her brother who is now a policeman but it was so hard and now i see her starting to struggle to finish school and get ready for her baby the pill is no promise that she wont get to something like this but at least it is a start.

alliauthentic's picture

You may be right about her reasons for wanting to take the pill, but the best thing to do is let her make some of her own mistakes. Would you rather her have sex unprotected and get pregnant? I'm not siding with either side, I'm just reminding you that teenage girls just need a break sometimes. Parents these days do NOT realize how much stuff actually goes on in a 15 year old girls head. My advice would be to get it for her, let her know that you're always going to be there, and you would prefer her NOT to have sex right now, but she needs to make HER OWN mistakes. It would probably also be a good idea to tell her about your pregnancy.

tamz's picture

So far, it's unanimous - Get your daughter on birth control.