pazabot's picture
pazabot

14 yr old girl...I am ready to leave!

Please help and tell me I am not the only one who feels this way. My daughter will be 14 in a couple of weeks, we have had a year from hell, literally which started the day she turned 13. This year summed up: she was cutting herself last June-I took her straight to our Children's Hospital for assessment, she also admitted to one episode of binging and purging (one of her friends was doing this) and hated it, she got caught shop lifting right b/f Halloween and I had her attend a Police oriented day showing the effects of bad choices (drugs, stealing, etc) it was awesome, she snuck out during Christmas holidays and got caught. All these things with the same friend, her best friend who I do like and think they just made stupid choices and thankfully got caught each time they tried! She is an only child now as we lost our youngest daughter at 4 yrs from a very rare disease. We started counselling last June after the cutting incident as I was horrified, so sad and shocked. I thought maybe some grief issues, so needed to check that out. Turns out a wonderful site called Nexopia educated her to believe that all parents hate teenagers and so you can act like a little @$^^%^& and they won't care anyways. I had to show her a calender and explain to her that the ONLY thing that changed around our house prior to all this was that on April 15th, she turned 13.She cried and seemed to truly know that we love her as we always have. So now we are not getting along at all. She says everytime we speak I am yelling, which honestly is not true. She says "oh my god" to everything I say, she has become completely disrespectful especially to me more so than her dad, she has to be told about five times to do her chores which are pretty straight forward and I am really tired of it all. She does get great grades and is rather priveleged to attend a charter school which provides a great education and she seems to do very well there. So tonight, HUGE fight resulting in her dad and I arguing also, doors slamming and me in my room in tears for two hours. I am ready to pack my bags and leave but I don't really want to. This is my home and I feel like such a failure at this parenting my teen. We have a pretty good life, provide her with nice vacations each year and she does have a good heart but I need some coping skills so I don't go completely crazy. I am more hurt than anything and considering what I have gone through with much loss in my life (my daughter 2003 and mom 2008) I am spent. We have done the taking away cell phone, ipod and computer. I am lost any advice welcome...



GirlsMom's picture
GirlsMom

Wow. You are defintiely dealing with some stuff right now and your daughter is certainly taking some serious liberties and making some bad choices at an early age. I have two teenage daughters, one is 13 and the other is 16 and I have to be honest, if any of these events happened in my house, I would be beyond upset and dissapointed and there would be huge consequences as well. Two things concern me here and maybe you can elaborate more on whats going on. First, your daughter got caught doing these things that are not acceptable but what was her punishment from you and your husband and how long did it last? Second, this BFF of hers is NOT a good influence and if it were me, I would not chalk it up to bad choices alone. These teens know right from wrong so to me, there is something else going on here. If my teen was acting up around a particular person all the time, I would intervene and that might be the end of the friendship. Teens are good at what I call the Jekyll and Hyde routine. They have the game face on for the parents and they they lose their mind when they are not fully supervised. Please tell me more about this friend, what you did as consequences for the bad choices and what you are currently doing as consequences for bad attitude/ mouthing off. Also, what do you do with her when she is behaving and making the right choices? All of this matters. Can we know more?