Pregnancy
Discussion Title: 14 y.o. girl in same-sex relationship
Created by: momofthree
Created on: Tue, 07/15/2008 - 9:58am.
Created by: momofthree
Created on: Tue, 07/15/2008 - 9:58am.
My daughter is just turning 14 and she is friends with a girl who is 17. I do not like the girl b/c I feel she has too much freedom and there seems to be little parental supervision. I suspect my daughter is involved or contemplating more than a friendship with this girl even though my daughter says she likes boys. According to her she does not like any other girls "in that way" except for this one. I am afraid this girl is influencing her to go in a direction that may not be right for her....or that my daughter is too young to make a sound decision. In my heart I believe this is a phase--perhaps it is just wishful thinking on my part. Is there anything I should be doing or should I just wait it out?
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Replied: 2/4/2009 3:52pm.
Yes, I do agree in parts of what both you and junieg said about love and acceptance, but are you the same person today that you were at 16. What were the many things that influenced you on your road to adulthood? Parents? Friends? Any religious leaders? My daughter and I had a talk last night about how much her dad and I loved her and would love her regardless of which way she decided to go, but if she decided to be gay I would try my best to influence her to change. I believe with all my heart parents can still make a difference in there children lives up to a point. Now, if it is true and she has no control over these feelings and decides to be gay as an adult, we will still love HER, but will not be able to accept her lifestyle.
From what I’ve read it is a natural feeling for teens to experiment sexually, possibly with members of the same sex. At sixteen I can believe that teenagers have all kinds of sexually feelings. The difference to me is if they choose to act on them. There’re many different ways teens experiment, drugs, sex, alcohol. What is the difference between acting on these sexual feelings and deciding to try drugs? Or experimenting with any of the temptations kids have today?
During our talk I did find out this infatuation has not taken a sexual turn. I still hold out that both of them do not know what sexual orientation they are. But MO is the more experienced of the two (with same sex); my daughter has told me that. I am going to fight with all I can to break the influence this girl has over my daughter. Also, she said it was just MO she has strong feelings about. She is just there for her. After our talk, it seemed to me it may be the way MO pays attention and supports her. Not too many boys or girls would be quite that accommodating unless they had ulterior motives. I tried to get her to look at MO as a temptation, with MO’s influence over her she could very well be led down that path. We all have to face temptations in our lives; the difference is who chooses to turn away, or those that go toward it. Especially as teens, they may experiment with all the different types of temptations and then have it follow them into adulthood, i.e. drugs, and alcohol, not sure about gay’s(not a proven fact yet).
She has always had our LOVE and support in everything she does. We tell her how beautiful and successful she is. That she has everything going for her. Our world revolves around her. Maybe that’s the problem; she expects everybody to treat her that way. Yes, we don’t support this behavior when it comes to MO, but she said she knew that we loved her.
Junieg, since you brought religion into the discussion I will have to address your comment. I feel sorry for those that believe that way. I take comfort in my religious beliefs just as the many, many, hundreds of thousands across the world do. No one gets out of this world alive.
Replied: 2/4/2009 6:29pm.
I guess this is a really hard thing for anyone to understand. Unless we're gay, we really can't explain what it's like to be gay, when or how it becomes apparent that someone's gay, or how that person actually feels. At 16, your right. Kids are still trying to figure themselves out, and sometimes they experiment w/ different things. Who knows. As a parent, I can totally understand how hard it wld be to accept that your child cld be gay. My son has a disability. Do you know how hard it was for me to accept that? We all have hopes and dreams for our children. We can only pray that their lives turn out for the best, whatever that may be, and that they lead happy, productive futures.
Replied: 2/5/2009 1:09am.
Well said. Thanks!
Replied: 2/8/2009 9:26pm.
First and foremost I believe that whether you identify yourself as straight/gay/lesbian/bi-sexual/transgender your parents should accept you for who you are whatever that may be. When I was 15 I was infatuated with another girl who was 16. I thought at the time that I just liked this girl in a sexual way and no other girls, which was the truth because I had never thought of girls in that way before her. I was too shy to do anything about it. But years later we met up and ended up being in a relationship for over 2 years. My mother told me that she had an idea that I might be a lesbian from a very early age and she accepted me totally and completely which is exactly what I think you should do for your daughter. I am 31 years old and I identify myself as bisexual even though I haven't been in a relationship with a man for over 11 years.
I think you should be less worried about your daughter's sexual identity and more about what type of girl that she is hanging out with. Just because they may be in a same-sex relationship isn't necessarily because the 17 year old has no parental supervision, it's probably just a coincidence. You need to decide if you think this 17 year old is a good friend for your daughter based on who she is as a person. I also feel that 14 is too young to have a sexual relationship with anyone, so you should talk with your daughter about sex. Whether it's same sex or not it, it's still sex and it evokes the same emotions and you can still get an STD in lesbian sex whether most people think so or not.
Overall, I think people need to stop judging teenage girls so much if they have had relations with other girls. When you are a teenager you learning about who you are and it's all about searching for an identity. Just because your daughter is attracted to another girl doesn't indicate who she maybe with in the future, so relax and worry more about making sure she can attract better friends.
Replied: 2/8/2009 9:58pm.
Dear Old Fashion,
Your name does suit you. You are stereotypical when it comes to the GLBT community. You should educate yourself before making accusations and comments about people you obviously know nothing about. How can you generalize gays into one category in the first place? How can you ask are gays really happy? Are straight people really happy? I mean come on. Happiness is not determined by who you are sexually.
Being lesbian or gay does not mean that women are trying to be men or vice versa. That is where you are stereotypical. All gay men don't have a knack for fashion and act like fairies and all lesbians don't own trucks and they aren't all good at sports. People are people and we are all human beings and the GLBT people of the world should be treated as such fairly and equally.
I think your ignorance of the subject of same-sex relationships is the most appalling thing about you. There are no clear lines anywhere in life and there aren't for one's sexuality either. There is no threat to you or your livelihood if your daughter is attracted to girls. You are just getting in the way of yourself.
I hope your daughter is lesbian/bisexual because maybe she is that way to educate you that she deserves the same love from you regardless. If you do not like MO, and don't want your daughter hanging out with her then you should explain the reasons why to your daughter and make sure they aren't about their possible sexual relationship b/c that can't be the only reason you do not like her. The more you dislike MO, the more your making your daughter be with her because she's not getting any support from you. She's defiant because maybe she doens't understand why you are being so strict, afterall she is a teenager and that's how they can be at times. Be supportive and loving and explain to her why you would like her to choose better friends and why.
Also, if you accept her for who she is then you also accept her lifestyle if that's what you choose to call it. You can't say that being gay is like being a smoker. Smoking is a lifestyle, being gay is not. If gay was a skin color it might be more obvious and the lines that you like to have would be more clear, but it's not a skin color so you are just going to have to accept the differences of the world and know that there will always be unhappy straight people and unhappy gay people just like there are unhappy black people and unhappy white people.