13 yr old son of divorced lesbians – issues with ‘new’ girlfriend
I am in a 3 year old relationship with a woman who has children from a pervious relationship. She is not the biological mom. It is a difficult situation. The bio mom is now dating men, the bio dad has a much younger live-in boyfriend and the children’s time is spilt between three houses. Stability comes from my girlfriend, both financially and emotionally.
The girl just turned 9 and is a joy to be with. The son, 13, is just the opposite.
I am having a very hard time with the situation at hand. Her son is disrespectful towards me and expects that when he is with her I not be there. He wishes to have “alone time” with his mom. But as any typical 13 yr old, he is either on the computer, playing Xbox or watching sports in the playroom. To me that is not alone time with his mom but because of his in ability to accept that his mom has a new life, it is very rare that I am under the same roof at the same time. I may see him once a month for 15 min or so.
He is causing a rift in our relationship. She is defensive and protective of him. Expecting me to be ok with whatever is tossed my way. I try to be supportive but sometimes it feels like our relationship is never going to move to the next level because of her son.
We have tried to have dinners together or outings to concerts but prior to the events he breaks down crying asking why I have to be there. One time my girlfriend and I had a day planned of things we needed to get for her new home…. I was scheduled to be at her house to pick her up at 11:30… when I got there her son was still there… his dad due to pick him up at 11 but was running late. Her son heard me come in the door, went running up to his room crying. We had an overlap of less than 10 min and he could not handle me.
I am not sure what I should to do help move him along. What advice do you have for me? Should a 13 yr old boy be this upset about this? What can I do to ease his pain? And my girlfriends?