mah664's picture

13 yr old girl dating 18 yr old

I am looking for some advice on how to deal with my 13 year old daughter. She is totally in love with an 18 year old. He says the same about her. I am not pleased with this relationship at all. I am afraid that if I forbid her to see him, she could run away with him and I would never see her again. Or she would be sneaking around behind my back. At this moment I told her and him the only terms for seeing her is at my house when I am home. If they don't abide the relationship is over. He gets her mixed up in drugs, alcohol, or has sex with her I will call the cops. My only hope for right now is that he is leaving for the Army in 3 weeks. I just don't know what to do. Basically she is a good kid, has been boy crazy for a couple of years now. I knew the time was coming but sure wasn't prepared for this. Any advice on this surely would be appreciated.

acitez's picture

He gets a 13 year old pregnant and they will kick him out of the army. You might want to bring that up with him.

hedgcoe's picture

What is wrong with him that he would prefer to have a child as a girlfriend vs. someone his own age? That is sick. Where are his parents!?? Keep them apart long enough for him to get into the army and then I'd sit your daughter down with counselor. She obviously is seeking love and acceptance from people outside of her famliy for a reason.

Tonya39's picture

i disagree a child is not always looking for something they are not getting at home why is it if a child is acting out or making a bad choice in life people always say that or look at the parent like they have failed in raising their children ,even kids from a completely overly norm family have trouble sometimes i even know alady who deals with kids doing this stuff who had trouble with her own child so could we please stop pointing the finger everytime at the parent because not all the time it is something that is wrong with the family .as for what you are going through it is hard i understand you are scared she will run if you forbid it i would wait it out in the meantime give her chances or just make sure she has the chances to get out and stay in contact with kids her age and you are right if they do the drinking ,drugs,sex i would put him under the cell or worse ...etc. wait it out take it day by day you are right if you push it will make her that much closer to him .best of luck i have a family member dealing with something almost like this .demand though that if they want to see each other someone you trust must be around also no home alone you can put a few rules in to make sure it doesnt go to far and still allow her around him so it doesnt make her that much closer to him ..

SnglDad's picture

First of all this is an 18 year old man who has nothing on his mind but to deflower your daughter. By allowing them to see each other at your home while you are there, you are basically acknowledging and enabling the relationship; this needs to stop asap. To allow this to go on for three more weeks is unconscionable. You are the parent here not the 13 year old. You know what’s best for her, but you are choosing to take the easy road so as not to upset her.
I would go so far as to contact the local recruiting office and give them his name and tell them what is happening. If that does not seem to work, I would contact the police to keep him away from your daughter and his parents. If he would not stay away willingly I would take out a restraining order as a way to protect your daughter. Stop at nothing to protect your child.

2xstepmom's picture

Great advice from SnglDad! My thoughts exactally! Your 13 y/o is still a little girl, this 18 y/o is a man, one who needs to man up and stay away from your little girl or suffer very serious consequences.

Kara's picture

I agree with SnglDad, too. 13 years old girl is too naive to have a bf, who's only 18 and needs to practise sex for his own experience. You need to make it clear to your daughter that she needs to grow up a little and study instead of having bfs. Never stop under any circumstances.

mah664's picture

I have had a couple of days to figure out what to do with her. And as of today this relationship will end. I told him to stay away from her or the cops will be called on him. I would do anything to protect my daughter. I know I'm in for a rough road ahead with her but it has to be that way. Thanks to all for the good advice it has helped. And she does come from a broken home but as a single mother I have done the best I can in raising her. And trying to insitll in her what is right and wrong. I know this is definetly wrong but I had to have a few days to take this all in I sure was not ready for anthing like this at her age. I work the night shift so her choice is to come with me to work or to her Grandma's, no going to friends house's to spend the night, until I can gain some of my trust back in her. No cell phone. Her Dad does try to have some kind of relationship but she rebels against him cause of his drinking that broke up our relationship and she definetly needs some counceling. Thanks for all the advice.

2xstepmom's picture

Good for you! This is the best decision for your daughter. She may be angry right now but will thank you someday.

myboy's picture

You are your child adovate. Say what you mean and mean what you say. My daughter is 24 but when she was 13 we went through some of the same things. We ended up removing her out of her school and placed her in a Christian school. We told her she was not dating a 18 year old boy. We told him the same, when we were gone one day he showed up at my house and when we found out we had him arrested!!! He never came around again. Stick to your word if not you will be sorry in the long run. Children now a day think they run the roost and we as parents have got to figure out if we are going to be there friends or there parents. Never waver!! Good Luck

candygirl's picture

First of all...collar this guy, and tell him to hit the bricks and not to come back, or your prosecute him. He's an adult, and she's a minor child. Your responsible for her health and well being...he is not. If fact, he is a threat to it.
Sit her aside, and tell her, she may think she knows what she is doing, but, she is wrong. No 13 year old girl, should be dating an 18 year old male. He may tell her her loves her beyond anything else...the reality is, he wants the innocence, the virginity, and the control of her, and you.
If he impregnates her, throw the book at him. It is called statutory rape and debauchery of a minor child. Make her abort it. No 13-14 year old girl should be saddled with a baby, and having to raise it...(again if she says she wants the baby,let her know, she isn't mentally ready for motherhood) which will also end up your problem as well if she is allowed to go through with it.. The guy, will have long vanished. He accomplished his mission..."see ya later baby!"

If this was my child...there would be war going on. Make no mistake about it...that 18 male, would have the fear god put in him by me!