mmsteensmom's picture
mmsteensmom

13 year wants to go to boyfriends house

My daughter is 13 and just finished 8th grade, the boy she has been going with for 8 months is in her grade and has turned 14. They text each other constantly, go to school events together and to the mall with friends. We told her that she can not go with him alone anywhere and she has respected our wishes even though she thinks we don't trust her, etc. etc. None of the other kids in the class are dating (It is a Catholic School and all of the kids have been at the same school since 1st grade and just don't see each other in that kind of way). There have been some advantages to her seeing this boy, she has built a lot of confidence and self-esteem, talks more, and seems very happy. She has lots of interests and gets straight A's. The problem now is that the boys parents asked me and her dad if my daughter can come to their house for an afternoon swim party. Their house is across town, there will be at least 3 adults plus the boys older siblings and maybe a few of their friends. Our first reaction is NO you are not going to a boy's house, you are only 13 and none of the other kids from the class will be there. Again she thinks we don't trust her which we do we just don't feel comfortable with the situation. The boy's step-dad did not understand our concerns expecially since they will be supervised the entire time. Are we over-reacting? should we allow her to go to this boys house? We were hoping she would want to move on from this relationship after school ended, but so far it looks like they will want to spend a lot of time together this summer and we need to set some rules and boundaries but not sure where to start. Can anyone provide some advice for us?



jmreed37's picture
jmreed37

As long as the parents of the other child are going to be there i think it will be ok. just explain to the other parents your boundries. No going to his room with or withou door closed, etc. All parents have diifferent parenting techniques, you need to make sure your expectations of there behavior are respected. other than that let her go, it sounds like shes doing a great job at being a teenager so far, good grades etc. Good luck!

EliseBellBooks's picture
EliseBellBooks

Well I'm kind of going to agree and disagree on this one. Make sure you and his parents are in fact on the same page about this. How do you know them and what rules do they have. I know that when I started dating I lived with my grandparents and I wasn't allowed in cars or alone on dates with guys or over to his house for a while until his dad/mom asked if we could do sundays over at his house. His dad would pick me up for bible school and we'd do that and then go back to their house. They had spoken with my grandparents telling them he wouldn't be able to drive with me (he was 16, I was 14) And even that we weren't allowed behind closed doors etc. In reality they just said that to make my grandparents happy. They didn't care what we did. At 14 I just wasn't even thinking in that direction so mostly we just hung out and watched movies etc. My point is make sure that they have your rules and your teen does and that they plan to actually follow through. If You talk to them and feel they are trustworthy then let her go. You said his step dad didn't seem to understand, well that's cause he's raising a boy and not a girl (lol I'm writing a book on this right now) And if he thinks your rules are stupid he may think he is being the 'cool' parent and will let them do whatever they want. So make sure you trust the parents and your daughter.

Good Luck!

~Elise

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

My advice is NO, do not allow your 13 y/o daughter to go to this boy's home unless you and/or your husband can be there to supervise at all times. If it is not possible for one of you to attend, then go with your first reaction. At 13, having constant, vigilant supervision of your child by her parents is the issue here, not trust. Set firm boundaries and stick to them.

Sister83's picture
Sister83

Is this a swimming party that the class is invited to, or just your daughter?

If it is just your daughter, I would be a bit worried that the other parents don't share your concerns. As a previous poster mentioned, they may agree to your rules just to appease you, but be more lenient with the kids once they are there. I know parents who do this... it isn't even necessarily that they try to intentionally disregard your rules/wishes... it just doesn't register on their radar.