Beca's picture
Beca

Partner been watchin adult channels

Hi just need to know if it Is normal for me to be upset bout my partner of 2yrs and father of my baby watchin adult channels , well he ordered one of the cable and claims he didnt watch it out of guilt so we talked bout it and that was the end of it so I thought till 2nights l8r early hours of the morning while I was still laid next to him he put on another one and I woke up and saw it but he denied both times even tho I saw it on cable bill and saw 2nd time on tele I felt upset degraded unwanted ugly you name it I felt it, asked him why he felt the need to watch it as we still have an active sexual relationship and im there for him to have but for a while it dwindled he didnt seem to want me said he was tired but not too tired to watch that I mite add when I asked why he said he doesnt know why apologised and said he could understand why I felt that way but he also said it the 2nd time too,i am on anti depressants and struggle with my confidence as it Is and now I feel even worse. Am I over reacting or am I normal ?



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Your response is normal.

I heard a similar story and it turned out that the guy had some performance anxiety and needed to see a psychologist about it.

When somebody watches pornography it is not about a deficiency in the partner. It is hard not to take it personally, but don't take it personally.

Monrealka's picture
Monrealka

Well... I've lived with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, but now and than i would notice he watching porno's. I told him many times that it gets me very disgusted and i don't even feel like having sex with him after he's watching them. He promised many times he will never watch them again... Never happened... Few days ago I found him jerking off to this blue movies while i was waiting for him in bed. Should i take it personal? No way. I know that nothing is wrong with me, i am beautiful young woman, very sexually active and know how to wear him off, now I'm 27 weeks pregnant and all i know for sure my baby doesn't need a father who's sick in a head. Kicked him out happily. There is nothing to be depressed about, some people have some disorders, the question is -Can you live with it? It is very disrespectful on his part to watch blue movies if he knows you don't like them and it's not hard at all stopping watching them. But... Is he ready? Try to talk it out with him. We all different. Some people (couples) enjoy porn, some get disgusted by partner watching them(like myself). So all you got to do is find a common ground. Not as simple as it sounds, I know, but there is always a way to work things out if both partners are interested in. Best of luck.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

The baby does have a father who has this problem, even if you kicked him out, that is still this baby's father. Children are better off with a relationship with both parents, unless the parent is a danger to the child.

If you are a good parent, you learn to put up with a certain amount of stuff that isn't pleasant. Sometimes the 'stuff' is problems with the other parent, sometimes it is problems with extended family, sometimes it is problems with the child.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

The father is not sick in the head. Men are wired a bit different than women. It may not be possible to always understand what we do or why we do it, but understanding that there is indeed a difference is a step in the right direction. To throw a relationship away because he watched some porn is foolish.

Monrealka's picture
Monrealka

Well, you might be right, but its not the only sick thing he does. Can not bring out all the episodes in public, but believe me, i had a good reason to kick him out, the blue movies and jerking off to them was just a last drop. Thanks for your opinion anyways.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

It's amazing that he was able to hide all of this from you before you became pregnant.

Jenn_Jenn's picture
Jenn_Jenn

My ex husband was like that. I never had the energy or want, to keep up with him sexually. After I divorced and met my Fiancee, did I realize what I was missing. From time to time the adult stuff is the only way I can be engaged for romance. If you don't mind watching that stuff,, ask him to watch it with you. That way you know what he is watching. If it bothers you that badly, ask him to watch it when your not home. SPECIALLY not with you in the same bed. Having a happy and healty sexual life with your partner is VERY important. Important for your relationship and your own being. It relives stress and creates the emotional bond. Talk to him about why he is watching it, if he denies it, tell him that you woke up and saw him watching it. Tell him it's important to you that you talk about it. Tell him EXACTLY how it makes you feel, and you need to remember that it isn't a big deal to him, so you have to put the shoe on the other foot. Is there something that bothers him? Use that to help you make him understand. Don't use it as leverage, just a what if thing. Be honest and strait forward, you don't like it, say it. You don't mind, but don't want to watch it, tell him. If you want to see what he sees in it, watch it with him. Try finding out what his fantasy is. See if you can accomidate him. If you have a fantasy, explain yours. By no means should you down grade him and visa versa about the fantasys. If you cant or wont fullfill them at this time, tell him, I'm not ready for that, and see if there is another that you can do. Make everything as open and homest as possible. You'll be all the happier. And PLEASE PLEASE remember, what he fantisizes about has nothing to do with you being unsatisfactory. It's human nature to think of others, actually healthy human nature. Check out doc. Ruth. She is strait forward with sex, what's normal and whats not. I hope that this helps.

jas's picture
jas

hay sweet pea..

do you read romance novels??

all it is is porn for women..

as long as you have a good sex life..

and he is a good partner and father...

just get over it..men are not just women who stand to pee..they are men..and i got to tell you i am very sick of women tiring to feminizes the crap out of them and make them apologize for being men..

want to get him off the porn?? why not
grab him.push his butt down in the bed and show him was a real live three deminitional
women can do for him..trust me dear a world class bj will get you a lot further then
a guilt trip..