nennie82's picture
nennie82

Is my marriage is over?

Did we all forget the vows in our wedding day? Well, it's been at least 10yrs. that I am still married. I have 2 beautiful little baby girls. I don't know where it went wrong.

We both had a ups & downs. But this time its been really downs. Well here are the list: we don't communicate well haven't been intimate, have lots of disagreements, parenting skill differ, pointing all the wrongs at eachother,..

He said about me: I get mad really easily when he talks to me. (*its the way his tells me) I curse at him. (*only when im really frustrated) He feels he does all the work when we go traveling. He said im a bad company cause i fall alseep on during the drive...(*i gotta take my short naps..what can we talk about? duh) He doesn't like my tone when disagree on things. All i do is blame. Well that is just what i could remember what he said about me. Now, it's my turn.

I said about him: I don't like that he doesnt' make time for me. He plays too many games or he's on his phone. We don't have grown up conversation. I feel his always negative on things/life. We still haven't went on a honeymoon...now that we got little ones..its too late. He's alway precaution. I wish he could open his eyes/think for himself. Everytime he asks for something its right there. Or waiting for my answer when he can't figure it out the simple things.

(*I do have lots of anger bottle up inside of me. He shuts me out when im willing to talk. Its never a good time to talk around our girls..blah, blah, blah. I believe if u wanna work out our relationship then nothing else should get in our way. Im always asking for therapy or counseling but he doesn't agree to it.

So tell me what you guys think...im lost!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

You married a man. Men and women are different in the way they do things.

If you wanted to marry someone who would do things like you, then you would have had better luck marrying a woman, but even then, people are different.

I have noticed that when my husband can't find something, he can look for 15 minutes and not find it, then I look for one or two minutes and I find it. It used to irritate me, then I realized that this is a talent that I am strong in. How terrible it would be if neither one of us could find things. On the other hand, if there is heavy physical labor to be done--digging in the garden, packing to move--it would be very, very hard for me to do it. I simply do not have the physical strength. It would take me all day to do work that he could do in 30 minutes. How terrible it would be if neither of us had the strength to do these tasks.

As the French say, "Vive la difference." Be glad that you married a man!

You have a lot of power in your relationship. You do not have control over him, but you are responsible for yourself, because you are an adult.

I was in counseling and I told the therapist a very hurtful thing that my husband had said to me. I don't even remember any more what it was, but it was something that had hurt me terribly. My therapist's response was, "And you took that personally?" I realized that I had taken the thing very personally, and that I had a choice about that.
Another difference between men and women is that women generally are concerned about hurting people's feelings, so if a woman says something hurtful, it is probably personal. If a man says something hurtful, it is probably not personal. An idea that you might try--if he says something that makes you mad, fake a laugh and go do something in another room. The fake laugh will help you feel better.

This way, YOU get to have control over your hurt feelings. The old way, nobody had control over them. The question is, would you rather be happy, or hurt?

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Great advice!! Also, treat your husband the way you treat your best friend.

allybongo's picture
allybongo

hi, just hang in there , dont try to find the negative in him , just remember why you married him in the first place , memories are made from having lots of fun , find some time and remember this , life without a few laughs is like a screw without a kiss x

allybongo's picture
allybongo

your absolutely right , but my best friends are fun to be around , my husband cant see wood from the trees ha ha

junieg's picture
junieg

Perhaps you need to spend a little more time together on your own, without the girls. Do you have a reliable babysitter. You should get out together maybe once a month at least. That way you could have more time to talk as you don't have the excuse of the girls being there. Is it too late to have that honeymoon?
It sounds like you are both making excuses to dodge the realities here. Think of your daughters. They deserve parents who are in a happy relationship and not sniping at each other all the time.