PetWonder's picture
PetWonder

Joint Custody and she's uncoorperative

If anyone has some advise PLEASE HELP!!

My ex and I are newly divorced - we were separated for about 1.5 years and have been divorced for 6 months.

We have joint legal/physical custody of our 4 year old son.

She continues text me constantly about everything (our son drinking soda, our marriage, my family, etc.) - have received upwards of 40 text messages in one day.

She is refusing the enroll our son in preschool and continues to make up reasons as to why she can't (i.e. I may not pay so she has to make sure she can pay it fully herself, though I've always paid out current daycare provider on time, that she doesn't want to enroll him in one school and then have him at a different after school program once he starts kindergarten, said she can't afford it right now though I've offered paying the whole thing until she is back at work (since she's currently out on maternity leave with her boyfriend's child) and have had no success.

She continues to tell me since she has 52% of his time that he is going to be enrolled in the school district she's in and her atty informed her that she doesn't need to discuss it with me.

I constantly try and make meetings to discuss any activities our son can do (sports, learning, etc.) and she always cancels one me.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I try and try to work things out with her to make decisions about our son but she continues to stall or agrees to something then in a week changes her mind.



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Trying to look at the things you have some control over. If she's out on maternity leave, why is it important that he be in a preschool?

teddybear305's picture
teddybear305

been there
not sure where you are
if montesorri or private paid for preschool there will be forms to sign guaranteeing payment and if any good they will usually do background checks on you and her -- so not paying is not an issue; being accepted is usually teh issue
welfare or govt funded programs if mom has little funds are available and some are pretty good albeit with long wiatin glist
in my area, prekindergarden is just started to become avaiable full time in public school system
try YMCA or other public recreation "preschool" or age appropriate programs for more stimulation is required

Chelsie's picture
Chelsie

Do you know where you can recall all the times things went smoothly with her and agreements on things were never an issue? Even if you agree by giving in just because but you still benefit because your in the same household.? Everything is changed. It's all different and she can not control you as a wife. Respect. Takes listening to that person you once shared and loved so much. Sometimes ofcourse it seems one is doing more than the othe. Is she a good mom? Is the time she spends with your son, time well spent to her being there as a mother. Where her decisions good ones made for your son in the past. ? I have learneed (my boy is 12) lives four hours away with his dad, we share joint , modified over and over from him taking him granted sole bla bla this is not about me..) Parents should see the other parent as an equal to them. No greater no less. Decisions , opoinions, ideas concerns are based on what both of you have value for. Equal geneticly 50% of your guys son is made up by the both of you. Great how one parent disregaurds such facts ! If you are not making progress with being able to have responsible communicating conversations that mature adults should have, take her back to court and specify get into the specifics of your concerns and part in parenting. Or see if she will take a parenting class as you doing the same. Hope I helped you some how with all my babble

PetWonder's picture
PetWonder

Chelsie, I appreciate the comments.

It is concerning to me because i always thought she was a good mom. but i've come to find that she now often leaves our son with her parents rather then spending time with him herself. My son often cries when i drop him off with her but i've never seen him cry when she drops him off with me. among other issues, she basically wants to enroll him in activities that her current boyfriend participates in. Though that isn't a direct issue with me, its frustrating because he isn't interested in those activities and tells me he wants to do activities I'm involved it - but she refuses to enroll him and often gives those activities I'm involved in a negative spin (girls play that, etc.).

my son has told me that she and her boyfriend call me names in front of him and all around talk negatively about me around him (though he doesn't understand what they are saying - he tells me - i.e. daddy doesn't do anything at work, he's an idiot, etc.)

Its very difficult because instead of trying to work with me she spends her time blaming me for everything.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

If what you say is going on truly is, you need to speak with your attorney. The parenting plan should have some type of wording which addresses the negative comments made about you. This type of behavior is all too common, but needs to be dealt with. The good part of this is that your son is in your life. Since you see him and spend time with him he will eventually realize that his mother is lying. The people who play such games with children will eventually be seen for who and what they truly are by the child as he grows.
If your attorney agrees that this falls under parental alienation in your jurisdiction, what better time to ask for a modification of the parenting plan than during a contempt hearing?

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Good advice (and nice picture).

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Haha. Thanks, thats my 220 pound Mastiff using my oldest son as a pillow.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

double post. Sorry

Chelsie's picture
Chelsie

Here is an activity I want to recommend to you. This may be the most beneficial activity that reflects your son's future.You boy is going to be entering kindergarden? Have you heard anything about," Your Baby Can Read? " My old man heard of this and jumped on the computer and bought this for our daughter. She is 2 1/2 (I have a boy too, he's 12 ) Anyway it is the best thing that your boy can have on when he is in front of a T.V. There are 5 DVDs and for each movie and each movie has a set of flash cards. There is a recommended amount of time of how much and when for each volume and reviewing to help him retain what he has previously learned. While his Mom may be involving him with activities of her own you can participate in a activity that involves undivided attention from you. Just an idea if you want to look into .
It is heartning when kids are the audiance to one parent mother f-cking the other.I think if your son openly tells you or asks you something regarding his mom's action it's necessary to ask questions. I have had my son call me and tell me that his Dad's girlfriend says I have to be lieing.What kind of bull[filtered word] is that how dare the nerve and disrespect. Name calling and degrading and negative attention happens. And while wanting to go off on things that I know are not right I erase it and stay positive with my boy. Change the subject and recall memories of him till now to keep fresh the wonderful things of your broken family. It may not be what she is doing but you will see things like that will make him smile laugh and be happy like that.
I have an x that supports my son spending time with his parents and playing with friends during summer vacation that was scheduled to be with me. Not an ounce of him could support him needing to build a relationship with me. Issues that are relavant to my boy's life that I want to communicate with him about like horrible grades is Herassment to him.
So far this is what I have learned. No matter how open and capable you as a parent are in the reasoning and sharing and planning of your child's life it will be nearly the most difficult thing to come to terms with in excepting that you no longer have total control over the best interests you have in the remaining years of his childhood. Have you looked around for a parenting class? Even if it's once a week for an hour- together or seperate classes for you and her? Sometimes in a group setting even you could be open to knew ideas and ways of learning to you as a Dad. Are you involved in a new relationship where he has a new step mom sort of speak?And have you had or are you able to have a discussion with her about him crying during drop offs?Are you still able to have a relationship with her parents at all?
It's pretty cool when Dad's care about their kids and it's eveen cooler when their actions back them up! Stay strong at being a good parent for your son. He's gone through things emotions and has memories in his mind that are far different than yours and hers.I hope I am helpful in some way.