lonely_BaBa's picture
lonely_BaBa

Time alone with daughter

I am new parent. Zuri Will Be 6 m/0 2morrow. She is the love of my life. I am learning to love her mother. We have never lived together and it has taken a toll on our relationship. I am not wanting to remarry but I do want to be the best father for my daughter. I live with my mom I am a 38 y/o African American father. Before the baby Zuri's mom lived with a roommate. Since the baby she has moved back in with her parents. We live 130 miles apart. I had been visiting Zuri and her mother every weekend all of that time. I take a care package every time. Sometimes there was even something for everyone but every week there was something for Zuri. The "in-laws" have a large plot of land which I help out on as often as I can. I even write a check every week I can afford it to Zuri's Mother. She was able to buy a car with that money. Last week I got into an accident in my truck it is not running now that was my main source of income (I do landscaping) and transportation. Now I am scrambling to find a way make some money to take care of my daughter. I do all of these thing not only because I have that obligation but it makes me feel good when I do it. This brings me to my point even the very reason that I chose my Username for this forum.

I have never spent an hour alone with my daughter. She has never been out of her mothers sight for more than 10 minutes. Because of our unique situation I have not been able to get that bonding time With Zuri. Finally The opportunity has arisen for my daughter to spend 4-6 hours alone in my presence and her mother has come up with several excuses that will prevent that. One being that I don't have my own place, mind you that I have a very clean safe environment for Zuri to come to. She claims that as a mother, only she will be able to care for Zuri. She has left my daughter several times with her own mother but want leave Zuri alone with me her own father..

I understand this is only a sign of things to come but I need to deal with this now because this opportunity is coming up this weekend. Any suggestions?



TeacherParent's picture
TeacherParent
Single mothers can feel very alone and often feel a great reluctance to leave their child. You live at a distance from your child and her mother and while you help out financially, the real responsibility for taking care of the baby is falling on the baby's mother and her parents. Your interest in babysitting when you visit is very nice but it sounds like the baby's mother has a good babysitter in her own mother and what she really wants is to give the baby a sense of family time when you're there - a mother, father, and baby together. There's something very valuable in that kind of time and maybe if you can spend family time together when you visit, Zuri's mother will come to feel that she's not so alone and that she can really depend on you. To build trust takes time.