Amy_A's picture
Amy_A

Pacifier use

I'm having multiple problems with my 3 and a half year old daughter,but the biggest one is getting her to stop using a pacifier. I've given up on bottle use and potty training right now to focus on getting her to stop wanting her pacifier all the time. I tried the pacifier fairy story and it was working good until bedtime. I had her put the pacifier under her pillow. When I went to get the pacifier out from under her pillow. She had it in her mouth and her finger in the ring of the pacifier. There was no way I could get it out of her mouth without waking her up. I asked her doctor about it and she said to just take the pacifier away. That is great advice for her. She doesn't have to listen to my daughter cry and scream because she can't have her pacifier. I would just let her do it if I didn't have a 6 month old who doesn't sleep very well. The slightest sound and he wakes up. When he wakes up. He cries.



acitez's picture
acitez

Would you mind explaining the other problems, too? I would be interested in knowing if they are just predictable stages or if they are really unusual things before I comment on the pacifier.

Amy_A's picture
Amy_A

She will not drink anything unless it is in her bottle. She will not drink out of a sippy cup or a regular cup. I talked to my mom about that and shr told me if she would drink out of a sippy cup to not give her anything at all. In less than a day. She will be thristy and will drink out of a sippy cup. Well my mom was half right. She did get thristy,but when I gave her a sippy cup of juice. She refused it and said she wanted her bottle. When she refused to drink anything the next morning. I had to made down and give her a bottle. She was getting dehydrated. One of her other problems is she has no interest in learning to use the potty or the big toilet. I have to check her diaper because she doesn't tell me when she needs to be changed. A wet or messy diaper doesn't bother her at all. I've talked to her doctor about it and she said it is unusual for a child as old as my daughter not to be bothered by a wet or messy diaper. I take her with me to the bathroom thinking if she sees me doing it. Then she will want to. When we are at home. She stops at the door and will not go in. When we are out in public. She plays with her brother while I use the bathroom. Another problem is something she will eat and other times I have to feed her.

acitez's picture
acitez

give her water in her bottle. Give her everything else: juice, koolaid, milk, chocolate milk, even (horrors!) soda, everything else in a regular (not sippy) cup. Don't make a fuss about it. She will scream cry and make a fuss. That's OK. It's her job to fuss, it's your job to be unbending. The potty, You may have missed the boat on that one and you can't MAKE her be self-motivated, so maybe the boat will come around again. Pacifier, your doctor is right, just help her lose it and don't replace it. She will scream, cry, make a fuss, she may start sucking fingers or a thumb. Sometimes babies cry. Sometimes they cry all night, especially if their big sister is kicking up a fuss.

I remember sitting out in the car most of a couple of nights with a screaming child because we lived in an apartment and the neighbors couldn't sleep while she was screaming. When it got cold, I went to an all-night laundromat and let her scream there.

Baby who wakes up to the slightest sound. Vacuum during naptime. Have the radio on most of the day. If you play an instrument, practice while he is sleeping. This means while the baby is napping during the day, not at night. Accustom the child to sleeping through the noise.

My husband still has trouble sleeping when there is noise, and I snore like a steam engine. He had to choose, sleep poorly or sleep alone.

That's what you sign up for when you decide to be a parent.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

In my opinion, 3 1/2 is too old for a pacifer. The pacifers need to go to nookie land ASAP, cold turkey. If your daughter screams, so be it. She'll eventually get over it. If she's waking up her brother, take her out of the room, away from where he's sleeping. I don't think you should add background noise like vacuuming or playing a musical instrument. That's unnecessary, and it will only aggrevate the situation more for everyone.
As for the sippy cup, discontinue the bottle altogether. There are intro sippy cups w/ soft lips that your daughter may like better. It sounds like she wants the comfort of the bottle/pacifer, sort of like Linus w/ his blanket. See if you can replace these items w/ something else that may comfort your daughter (like a soft toy or stuffed animal).
As for the potty training, I have the same problem w/ my kids. My oldest is 5. He's fully trained, except at night. He still wakes up wet, and he doesn't seem to mind. My younger son still poops in his pants during the day. Often he'll hide rather than go to the potty. When we put him on the potty, though, he'll go. It's just a matter of timing it right, and in your case, getting your daughter over the fear of using the potty. We made up a song and a dance to get our kids to the potty. That worked. Also we didn't allow them to where pull-ups after a certain time b/c we felt they were using them as a crutch. Put underwear on your daughter, even if she has occational accidents. Reward her when she uses the potty, and take things away from her when she doesn't.
W/ the feeding, this cld just be a stage. Has your daughter always been picky about eating? Will she use utensils? Does she eat different textured foods? If she's capable of feeding herself, let her. Don't feed her, or she'll always want you to do it. My younger son is a bit picky at times. We tell him if he eats all his food, he can have a dessert. If not, no dessert. We also set a timer (usually 20 mins or so) for him to finish eating. We do this b/c he often fools around at the table instead of focusing on eating. If the beeper goes off and he's done w/ his food, he gets a dessert. However, if time's up and he hasn't finished eating, we take the plate away, and he gets no dessert.
You can try these strategies and see how they work for you. If, however, nothing improves, talk to your daughter's dr. There may be a sensory issue going on. An OT (Occupational Therapist) is the best person to talk to about that). Good luck!

Amy_A's picture
Amy_A

I took her pacifier and bottle away from her a few weeks ago. She cries every day over it. Since I took them away. She has gone on a non eating fit. She will not eat anything or drink anything. I talked to her doctor about it and she said she had never heard of a child having that kind of reaction to having their bottle and or pacifier away. She is stumped and what worries her more is my daughter is losing weight and isn't active like she should be at her age. She said if my daughter doesn't start eating. I might have to give my daughter back the pacifier and her bottle just so she will start eating again and try to wain her off them slowly. I had been trying that since she was 2 and with no luck. When she was eating. She was very picky about what she will eat. She will not eat anything that is green very few things that is yellow or red. She doesn't like foods with different textures. She will use her fork once in a while and when she does it is usually to move foods around her plate. She can feed herself when she wants to,but I end up feeding her because if I don't. She will set there forever and look at her food or take what she doesn't want off her plate and drop it on the floor so the dog can eat it. I tried the timer before when she was 2 and she would just set there and play with the food on her plate. She might eat a little bit of it on her own,but that is it. We stopped doing that because her dad felt it sent a wrong message to her that she doesn't have to clean her plate to be able to leave the table. We don't have deserts in the house. They are fattening and not good for you.

acitez's picture
acitez

The prohibition against all desserts is a little wacky! I think you need a family therapist to figure out what is going on. Ask your pediatrician to recommend someone.

Amy_A's picture
Amy_A

I don't think prohibition of deserts is wacky. I don't want my children to grow up fat and have health problems brought on by them eating deserts with alot of sugar in them.

acitez's picture
acitez

There seem to be a lot of control problems that you deal with: pacifier, bottle, cleaning the plate, potty training, sleep issues. I think you need to talk to your pediatrician about all these things. I'm sure that you want what is most healthy for your children. An extensive consultation with your pediatrician about all these issues, with your husband there too, would be a very helpful thing. Take a list of all these things, along with any other behaviors that seem difficult in your children. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

We don't give our kids unhealthy snacks either. What I meant by dessert is something like yogurt, a fruit cup or a granola bar. There are many healthy organic snacks that don't have sugar or added preservatives.
I agree w/ acitez, though. Look into these issues further. If your child isn't eating out of hunger, something else is definitely going on, especially w/ the other issues you mentioned as well.

Amy_A's picture
Amy_A

Yes there is alot of control issues. She wants to control everything and I want to get her to stop using them. So we butt heads alot. I got really concerned about her not eating after I took her bottle and her pacifier away. So I called her doctor. She said to give my daughter back her pacifier and her bottle. If the state found out about my daughter not eating. I could be arrested for neglect and maybe child abuse because my daughter isn't eating. So I did and as soon as I did. She started eating. Things are going good now,but I'm worried about taking them away again. She might refuse to eat again. Oh I see what you mean. I consider them snacks not deserts.