my 3 year olds tantrums, i\I dont know what to do
I have twin boys age 3 Paul and Gabriel paul is pretty much a good boy and Gabriel is a handful my wife and I are going crazy and screaming and blaming each other for his actions our marriage is in jeopardy . We don’t usually argue in front of them but its getting out of hand. Everyday we are dealing with him hitting us and his brother, he hits hard to hurt he slaps his brother in the back, in the face and me and my wife. I do take some blame because I do spank him and I know its obviously not working I think he has my temper im working on that. I am not hitting him anymore. If we tell him he cant have something he will slap our hand and say ‘stop it’ or try to strike us anywhere he can. He also bites his brother . He even tried to bite me. What can we do to stop him from hitting, he thinks its ok to hit. ive been trying to show him that its not ok by pretending to cry and saying “ouch that hurt, why did you hit me” and he will caress where he hit and say “are you O.K.” but the next second he will go and hit again for some other reason. Sometimes I think he is sleep walking. When you look into his eyes when he is having a tantrum it looks like he is not focused like I said its like he is sleeping and you cant wake him up. Its scary. He has his fits out of the blue, he just goes into his fit dimension and gets lost. I.e. earlier today my wife and I left the gym after getting the boys out of the gym daycare and they were fine till we got to the truck. Paul got into his car seat with no problem as usual then Gabe just started to scream and would not sit, so I literally had to use all my strength to buckle his seatbelt this happens 8 times out of 10 and I am so stressed out. Also he screams at the top of his lungs and now complains his ears hurt, I think he is hurting his ear drums My wife and I don’t know what to do is something wrong with him, should we get tests done? What cant we do to make him stop hitting HEEEEEEEEEELP!