grandmafran's picture

Im worried my grandson stays away from home too much.

I hope someone can give me a title to a good book on this subject because I am concerned.
My daughter and her boyfriend are young parents...Father (22) mother, my daughter ( 20)I babysit for them while they work, and also when they have a day off if need be...I have had him over night many time since he has been he is now 11 months old. because we live right next door i have always been there at odd hours in the night to help get him to sleep, although that has improved greatly and he goes down good for his parents (sometimes late, he seems to like the night life) its working. My problem is these kids get a enormous amount of brakes...between me, my fiance' and the fathers mother...these kids have had plenty of free time. My concern is this...ever since my grandson has been born he has been spending nights here and started out 1 night a week at the fathers mothers house, we would take him sometimes when it wasn't planned because they both had to get up early and the baby was keeping them up. But over the past 11 months my grandson has spent the night away from home 4 to 8 times a month and because he is not with them while they work, and the nights they have the fathers mother watch the baby is when they have the day off work, so I don't feel there is enough time being spent with the parents...and I worry that this could cause low self esteem and that's what I really want to know. HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD A BABY SPEND AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS...OR, IS IT IMPORTANT THAT A BABY SPEND TIME BETWEEN PARENTS ( GRAND AND PATERNAL) WHILE THEY ARE THIS YOUNG? I CANT HELP BUT WONDER IF THIS WILL HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIS SELF CONFIDENCE. HE DOESN'T SEEM SHY OR TOO QUIET, THE BABY SEEMS MORE ADVANCED IN AREAS AND ALSO WHERE HE SHOULD BE FOR HIS AGE, IN OTHER AREAS, BUT NOT AT ALL BEHIND. YOU CAN SEE MY DILEMMA. I HAVE NOTICED HE DOESN'T SLEEP WELL, OBVIOUS SIGNS SUCH AS THAT, FORGIVE ME IF I SOUND STUPID. COMMON SENSE TELLS ME THAT ALL BABIES NEED TO BE HOME THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME AND I NEVER LET MY BABIES STAY THE NIGHT WITH GRANDMA OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER UNTIL,THEY WERE LIKE 4. I COULDN'T! I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THESE TWO PARENTS WHOM DO LOVE THIS BABY A LOT, YOU CAN SEE IT WHEN THEY ARE WITH THEM, CAN BE AWAY FROM THEIR BABY SO MUCH. I ALWAYS READ ' MY PARENTS WANT THE BABY OVER NIGHT BUT I JUST CANT...." THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS BAFFLING TO ME. YES I HAVE TALKED TO THEM, EXPLAINED MY CONCERNS BUT LETS BE HONEST OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE BOTH SELFISH. I JUST THINK A BABY NEEDS TO BE HOME AND ONLY GO OVER MIGHT MAYBE 2 TIMES A MONTH. PLEASE TELL ME ANYTHING YOU KNOW OR A BOOK ON THIS SUBJECT. THANKS


mayamay's picture

If this is what the baby is accustomed to it is just fine. It used to be normal for three generations to be sharing a home, Grandma and Grandpa, parents, and children.
If you are experience stress because of the demands on your time, it is fair to tell your daughter that you will no longer be able to provide so much care. You don't have to lay a guilt trip on her, just say you don't want to do it anymore. It's OK.

grandmafran's picture

Thank you for writing:) I have had to tell her "no" a few times because these kids would take advantage that's for sure. I have insomnia ( 17 years now) and everyone figures I'm up so why not take over, but I am exhausted most of the time, and this kid started walking when he was 9months old, oh my lord I forgot about how fast these little guys can be! His hands are just as soon as you get done vacuuming the little stinker manages to reach a shelf you didn't think he could lol. I think your right, he has been used to it since he was born and it does take a village after all right. Thanks I do feel better:)

Grandma Fran