BellasMommy2's picture

3 1/2 year-old having potty issues.

My 3 1/2 year-old daughter has been having an issue with going to the potty for the last 4 months. At first I thought it was because in January I started taking in kids for babysitting and had a 4 year-old who although was potty trained, still wore diapers because he would just wet himself and not even stop playing (after a month of that, I got tired of it and basicly trained him myself to go to the potty compleatly on his own and as of now has very few accidents.) Before this, My daughter was quite suffciant in using the potty herself.

Now she seems to have a developed a sort of 'fear' of the potty. I litteraly have to drag her almost kicking and scraming to get her to go on the potty. If I see her doing the 'pee-pee dance' and ask her if she needs to go, she insists that she doesn't and will wait so long to the point of it already coming out to go rush to the potty and most of the time doen't make it in time. However, there are days where she'll do it on her own or with no problems when asked, but those days are rare.

My husband and I tried taking away priviges like dessert or movie time and it seemed to help for a while. We try not to get too mad but it's so frustrating that I'm really having a hard time keeping my anger in when this happens. I'm really sick of it. I've resoted to taking away her big-girl undies until she can earn them back when she can go potty without a fuss and no inteninal accidents. I am absolutly not going to stick her back in pull-ups, even thought she doesn't have accident's in them. I'm not wasting my money on something she truely doesn't need.

We're at our wit's end with this and I can't stand myself when these moments happen. I'm sick of getting angry and sick of scraping poop out of her pants. If anyone has ANY suggestions, PLEASE help!

2xstepmom's picture

First, have you taken her to her pediatrician to see if there is an underlying medical issue? He/she can refer you to a specialist to rule out all possibilities. Or, there could be an emotional issue that is causing this to occur.

The litle girl I nanny had this happen and her parents handled it the way you describe. When it was still happening when she was nearly 5, they finally took her to a specialist and discovered she has 2 medical conditions. one was resolved, but the other continues to cause issues. The parents feel really badly that we treated her the way we did when she could not always help what happened. I understand your frustration, but unless you find out she is doing this on purpose, hold off on anything punitive.

lkrvicky's picture

This sounds O so close to home to me daughter trained herself at about 3 yrs then all at once she started wetting her undies and bed at night ,first i would stay calm and not look at it like she is doing something wrong there may be reasons behind it or she may be just going through a stage children are like that ,i would stop with the punishments after she has had a accident this will just make it worse you both will feel bad .just keep talking with her be patient with your daughter encourage her using the potty and if she does not dont punish tell her we will try harder next time give a reward for being a big girl explain to her that big girls who use potties have so much more fun and get nice rewards (these dont have to be bought it can be a special time maybe baking with mom)it may take time .as for the screaming not wanting to use the potty it may be a fear of some kind my son had a fear of going into the bath room for some reason he refused to use his potty in the bathroom so i moved it i gave him a chance to decide where we would put it (as long as it wasnt in the main rooms ).i would say if she keeps going on like this talk with the doctor just to make sure .but with time i am sure she will be fine it is important for her to feel calm and dont make a huge a scene about her having accidents just okay lets try harder next time ,talking with a child goes a long ways .my sister used to put special toys a side and her children could only play with these toys after they used the potty if they didnt then they couldnt it did help my niece and daughter is in school and plenty of the kids have accidents ,I can relate i to was tired of scraping the poo out and the pull ups are so expensive but with staying calm and working through this maybe she wont need them long .make a big deal out of when she goes to the potty sing,dance,scream ,bang pots (my daughter loved it ).