confused_mother's picture
confused_mother

I dont know what to do....

I try to always be honest and open with my four year old. I told her that boys and girls have different body parts and we made names for them, she knows where her sister came out when i went to the hospital to have my youngest daughter. She has told me when i went to work and left her with her uncle that she saw them having sex. I have never explained what that is , but I have now caught her with my three year old son two times closed in a closet with no clothes on and touching eachother. I lost it...i told her that that is her brother and it is not ok to touch eachother like that...I dont know what to do from here and what to do if it happens again.



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Eyes on supervision every waking hour.

confused_mother's picture
confused_mother

yup..thanks for the input

mayamay's picture
mayamay

also--perhaps this uncle needs to be told that his own recreation needs to wait until he's not responsible for watching your kids. That's part of the puzzle of parenthood. Once you have kids, the thing that makes kids becomes much less spontaneous.

AlabamaX3's picture
AlabamaX3

Teaching good touch/bad touch might be a good idea. And maybe a visit to the public library for an age appropriate book about the birds and the bees. Also a talk with the uncle about what is appropriate behavior when children are around. Best wishes.

confused_mother's picture
confused_mother

thanks for the advice i just dont want to ask him about it if it isnt true and cause akwardness between us.

confused_mother's picture
confused_mother

thank you and i never knew there were books like that for her age. I will have to look into it.

mayamay's picture
mayamay

Ok, but don't ask him to watch your kids again.

confused_mother's picture
confused_mother

of course not...he hasnt

rochel's picture
rochel

I know it is scary to consider the possibility that your young child may have seen such a thing.

However, I think you also need to take into account her age. 4 is a common age for children to be interested in the physical make-up of the other sex. They will often undress each other in order to satisfy their curiosity.

This doesn't mean that there is any sexual connotation to it, it just means that she is curious about the differences between boys and girls. You can tell her that we are not allowed to look at other people's private areas, but if she has a question she should come to you and you will give her an answer.

Also, I wouldn't right away assume that your uncle was having sex with someone. Even though you probably explained everything to her, small children are amazing in that you can give them exact details about sex, with pix and the whole works. You finish the whole presentation sure you've covered all your bases.

Then when you ask them to explain to you about things, like ,"how did the seed get inside the mommy?" they will come up with all sorts of weird things. They might say, "the mommy ate it," or "she got a shot."

All of these things are (for them) more consistent with their world view of how things work, so this is how all that carefully presented info. morphs into stuff like a little kid planting seeds in his backyard so he'll have a baby soon-all because he heard that the "daddy plants the seed.."

I wonder if your daughter even really knows what having sex is? I would ask her very casually what having sex looks like. Make a reference to the uncle (calmly), and ask her to be more specific. I have a feeling she has been thinking about it, and wondering what exactly it looks like, and so she just upped and said this about her uncle.

She probably saw her uncle doing something completely unrelated, and decided to call it "having sex." It would be very unusual for a 4 year old to be able to tell you what having sex looks like.

I would also expect to see more sex-related behavior if this had really happened, like her getting on top of another child and moving her body. If she did that and said she saw her uncle doing that, then I'd be at that uncle's house in a heartbeat with a shotgun.

Just kidding. Of course, I am not saying you should take any chances, but just look at the situation more carefully before you jump to any conclusions. Also, check out a copy of the Magic Years by Selma Fraiberg.This is a classic, and well recognized by everyone. She has several chapters on this in her book.