OSHA's picture
OSHA

Yellin and accusing in laws

My life is becoming hell!!!!
I am married since 4 years and we were darting seven years before that. We are Indians and as most people we live with my husbands family. Soo obviously there are always some or the other issues occurring. Till now we used to solve them pretty easily. I used to be diplomatic with his family and shared good rapport with everyone. But for some reason there were always some problems b/w my husband and his parents, he doesn't agree with them in lot of things the way they don't with him. He has been trying to start a brand new business since 2 years but its taking time Like all new ventures take time. They have lot of expectations from him. They expect him to give money to them for my sister in laws wedding , for running the house, for getting car, all related to money. They expect him to talk to them in a certain way but they talk to him insultingly everytime they are irritated about something in their life. My mil talks to him sometimes very nicely but anytimes like he is a burden and like he is a spoiled kid. They are not giving us any financial help but behave as if we are living off them. More over my sil talks to him so insulting that I feel like strangling her. Initially they(mil ans sil) told me lot of stories of my husband fighting with my sil when they were young, they told me exaggerated stories of his misbehaviour and I like a fool thought everything, I would advice my husband of code of behaviour and blah blah, which obviously used to bug him. He's not a big talker and doesn't like to crib about his issues. He never has lepta grudge against any of them, he's taken all their insults in a stride but since recently his frustrations have hit the ceiling point, now he yells back everytime someone talks to him even slightly condescendingly, he looses temper like I have never seen him loose before,he even abused and got really angry when his mom was yelling at him and pushed him he hit her back, couple of months back me and my husband had a huge fight and our misunderstand was not getting solved.he said the meanest things possible to me and shoved me. I had never seen him like this and so got really nervous and scared coz I thought that we will get into a physical fight, so I asked my mil to help me, and she tried.i went to my parents that night and the next day my husband and his sister fought. She called him names,interfered b/w my husband and fil talking something about business where she is not involved and he lost it, he yelled at her and the fight got so out of hand that he pulled her pigtail and she hit him back.i was so shocked that all of a sudden why is he behaving like this and fighting with everyone including me. I thought that maybe there is something he is not telling me and I came back and asked him, he told me his mom used to beat him and call him names when he was a kid. He feels his dad is jealous of him and competes with him. Is it possible b/w father and son? His sister keeps grudges for everything even though he has gone and apologised for pulling her pony, she has also apologised but still talks to him with a lot of attitude.she is six years younger to him he doesn't like it that she talks to him like that.when everybody is sitting together and he come and greets her, she doesn't greet him back.now she is getting married and expects me to help her out and participate but I don't feel like, moreover the misunderstanding b/w me and my husband have not cleared altogether and he is also irritated with his family so doesn't want me to be involved in the wedding. So I am keeping distance with his family. That is also irritating his family and my sil who was once my really good friend did a turn about and started becoming interfering,she started passing judgement on my relationship with my husband, became controlling,wants me to hang with her when i have told her that if she insults my husband than i dont wanna "hang", also told me that she doesn't respect someone who listens to her husband and creats distance with others, she doesn't get it no matter how much I tell them clearly that till my problems with my husband doesn't get solved I don't want to be too involved, I just want to go about my daily routine and try to keep peace.yesterday she came and started advising me when I was talking to my mil about some preparations about her wedding and started yelling at me, told me to shut up when I started yelling back and telling her to maintain her behaviour with me,she told my mil to send me away as if I am her property,told that I am creating problems in the family. His mom has started talkin to me rudely as well.i felt so bad, she told me that this is her house and she doesn't want me to be around for her wedding.i feel so alone in this family,I know my husband loves me a lot but our misunderstanding is not getting cleared no matter how much I try. She yelled at my husband and told him to get out and that its her and her parents house, when all this was happening his mom was right there and didn't say anything. Ours is a typical indian joined family and its embarrecing when things like this happens.everything had become so awkward between everyone. I hate everyone her, I don't know how to behave and whom should I listen to.my husband told me not to talk and even look towards them. I am so depressed and feel negative.