AAV's picture
AAV

Their Friends are stealing from my kids

Recently i have heard this topic at my house a lot about my daughters' friends stealing from her over and over again, plus from their teachers and other students in their classes.  I have three kids and each of them know one or two kids that they have seen steal items that weren't theirs and also from them.  My daughter has told the teachers numerous times, but every time they have said they didn't see her and couldn't do anything about it.  Which in a way they probably can't but this keeps continuing.  My daughter is getting really upset because not only now does she have to take her bag with her everywhere she goes, but the teachers are not listening to her when she is trying to do the right thing and telling her she needs to stop tattling and she thinks she is getting in trouble.  I have told her to just get away when she sees her friends doing that, so she doesn't get caught with them.  I have told her not to worry about it and not to tell the teacher if she sees them stealing anymore so she doesn't get in trouble. I also told her i'm very pleased that she is not participating in this act and that i'm very proud of her for being the way she is.  I feel like my advice is not helping the situation at all.  I know my kids aren't stealing, but i don't want them getting into trouble because they are "tattling" on someone who is.... I need help on explaining to my kids what to do in that situation, and if i need to bring it up to the teachers myself or if my advice was okay? Thank you so much.....



acitez's picture
acitez

I think that you need to file a police report about the items that your child is missing. Let the police do their job, if the teachers are incompetent. Let the police know that you are not going nuts over the trivial ITEMS that are being stolen, but that there is a culture of dishonesty and entitlement at the school that is troubling.

If the items are not trivial, your child should not be taking them to school. The only expensive things that my kids ever take to school are a calculator, a coat, and a cell phone.

There is a difference between tattling and reporting. I think you have confused the issue with your child by saying that reporting crime is how you get in trouble. It is our civic duty to report crime, even if it makes criminals and cowards mad at us.

AAV's picture
AAV

Now this girl is not only stealing putty things, like candy and bookmarks and things like that,that they get from school. Nothing valuable. she has been calling my daughter horrible names to my sons who are also in the after school program. And when my daughter doesn't talk to her when this girl finally is acting nice, my daughter gets in trouble, i had to talk to the teachers and let them know i told her not to talk to her and stay away from her, i told her she can't be rude or mean towards her but just don't have anything to do with her and couldn't understand why my daughter got in trouble, unless she was rude to her and she wasn't. I have talked to all the teachers numerous times, and yesterday they said they would finally talk to the mom about it when she came to pick up this girl. The whole time i was talking to the teacher in the other room, that girl was standing there listening and the teacher didn't even tell her to leave the area. I was told to do a formal report against this girl, but how many times do i have to come in and do this. She has also been scratching and kicking each of my boys too. I brought that up the next day after i was told she did that and the teachers said they didn't hear a thing about it, i turned to my son and asked who he told and he pointed to one of the teachers, she turns around and as she walks away says i don't remember anything. i'm about to take them out, but there is no other daycares around and the oldest of my kids is 10 and too young to watch them for three house after school. Any suggestions?? Should i take it to the mom now, or should i keep complaining until something hopefully happens about it? Sorry so long, and if i didn't write appropriate i'm in a hurry =)

acitez's picture
acitez

"She has also been scratching and kicking each of my boys too. I brought that up the next day after i was told she did that and the teachers said they didn't hear a thing about it, i turned to my son and asked who he told and he pointed to one of the teachers, she turns around and as she walks away says i don't remember anything."

So, file a police report of battery. The school is not policing itself, it is time for the community police to step in.

Or, slink away with your head down and don't make waves. People (criminal people) will not like you if you stand up for yourself and your family. I've heard that saying, "the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

Unless you already know and have confidence in the parents, it is not a good idea for you to contact them. The little brats will bully your children even more.

G.Lopez's picture
G.Lopez

You know it's not tattling if there's actually a serious reason for it.

AAV's picture
AAV

Well as i said it happens pretty much every day and yesterday was no exception, it happened again. I told my daughter instead of waiting until we got into the car, to start telling me when i walk in to sign them out, and she had that look on her face again, so i asked her what happened, and she was like "nothing" and i said what happened, and she goes "they can't do anything about it" so i turned and went towards the teachers there and they said that they couldn't do anything about it, and i was like so there is no disciplining, and they said there is, but we have done all we can do, supposedly they have talked to the mom, but the girl is going around saying she didn't get in trouble and then continues to threaten and calling names. i have to wait until NEXT week when the coordinator of the after school program is back in town, before i can do a formal report, and if it happens at school at anytime, then i have to go to the principal. There has not been any more physical things happening or else that is exactly where i would go, but i'm not there to witness it and the teachers are always saying they didn't see or hear anything, so how would that help? I'm at a lost, i will do the next two steps with the principal and writing up the formal report, and after that, i will have to start looking for another place for them to go after school.

acitez's picture
acitez

So why haven't you called the police? The fact that the school has "procedures" does not stop you from talking to a policeman. Making threats of physical harm is assault and is illegal. I guarandarntee you that the school personnel will find a way to deal with the problem when a uniformed police officer starts asking questions.

AAV's picture
AAV

I could talk to the school cop that spends time at the elementary school and the high school, to see if he could monitor it at recess and after school snack time, but the rest of the time it is in the after school program which is where it happens the most. The threats are just from what my daughter tells me and its more name calling than anything and none of the teachers hear it, and when my daughter reports it they tell her to stop "tattling." So this could help and we live in a small communitee so it wouldn't be that hard to get a some more parents watching the situation or that school cop. Plus i printed off some information that i'm going to give to the teacher, so help them understand that when i child reports something to you to at least listen instead of basically telling them to go away, which these teachers do. Thank you all for all the suggestions, and hopefully by the end of this week or early beginning of next week this will be one step closer to being fixed!!

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Too bad there aren't cameras in the school. Is this only happening to your children, or have other kids been victimized too? If others are complaining also, maybe these kids shld be searched at random for the missing items. If there's enough people complaining, I don't see why this wld be a violation of these kids' privacy. Have them searched, and have their lockers searched. If all else fails, get a lawyer.

AAV's picture
AAV

Yes there are other kids complaining about this girl all the time, and tons of other students also hear the things that are said to my daughter, they have all told me, so i'm sure if the other students were asked by the teachers they would have more evidence, instead of just saying they didn't see or hear about it so they can't do nothing about it. Teachers have been now locking their doors because of the stealing, but my daughter got like erasers and candy and small items like that stolen for her, nothing would happen with a police report or lawyer, and the teachers, i'm not sure what is getting stolen from them and if they know who is doing it. But yeah if only cameras could be in schools, they could find out a whole bunch of things that teachers would have no idea about it. I don't know how they handle all those kids in one class by themselves to begin with, but extra eyes are very important. I just wish any kid that goes to the teacher to report something should not be brushed aside and told nothing can happen, what is that teaching kids, nothing. As parents if our child comes up to us to report something to us, we get all the facts by both children and settle it that way, why couldn't teachers do that? There is nothing wrong with talking it out. I have even thought about bringing in a contract both my daughter, and sons could sign plus this other girl and if anyone does not follow the contract there will be punishment some way, some how. Plain and simple.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

You and the other parents, students, etc. shld all ban together and protest. The whole thing doesn't make any sense. The teachers are obviously fearful of getting things taken from them, so they're locking their doors. But still they're doing nothing more to stop this from happening? Contact your local police dept as it's been suggested. Also contact a lawyer. Often just the treat of doing this, will get the school off its butt to take action. Good luck.