Jennybeans's picture

In laws

I am having a very difficult time with my SIL. I feel that she has had an issue with me since she became part of the family years ago. I was around about a year or more before she met my BIL, who, I did, have a nice relationship with, but that was before she came around. (I’m not concerned about him).

It all started when she seemed to be competing with me. I would talk about something and she would discredit me or interrupt me and talk about herself within the same topic. Once we both were engaged I tried to make wedding planning something we could bond over (wasn’t fond of her but I kept trying). She decided to have a longer engagement then me so my wedding was coming up first in the line up. I’m older then she is and we wanted to start a family right away, we had already been together 2 or 3 years. I would ask about vendors she was using and she wouldn’t give their names, she wanted to know what my ideas were and she would look into it. I felt like she was trying to control my choices. She sent me an email about what I was doing as a theme because she wanted a similar theme and wanted to make sure there were no repeats. She has a very nice way of demanding you don’t do something, so that she doesn’t look wrong, yet, asking someone to not do a theme for their wedding when you have nothing to do with the planning is not right. I understand to most of you, what I’ve written so far doesn’t sound terrible and your right, that’s why I was able to let what was going on continue. I think that was my biggest mistake, since she didn’t get a rise out of me or my in laws, who at the time loved me very much, I feel that she continued with more aggressive attacks.

After my wedding many people posted pictures on facebook of all the fun they had at our wedding, except for a mean comment from my soon to be SIL. I don’t know why she had to make such a rude comment that not only hurt me but other people involved. It was the first of many times I had actually proof of her not so nice feelings towards me. I called her up and let her have it, and she responded with childish antics, like, talking under her breath or projecting her feelings on to me. I basically said that we are going to have to stop this and move forward, and she agreed, at least she said she did.

We are now both married into the family with children of our own and it has just gotten worse. Every time she attacks me she just gets worse. I thought we had moved forward and we were actually good friends so I trusted her enough to vent about some personal issues I was having. She decided to share that information with some twists of her own. I have now stood up for myself but it has made the situation difficult, because she doesn’t like being called out. My in laws have distanced themselves from me and it hurts. They seem to believe everything that comes out of her mouth and when I asked them about it they just say that they know how she can be and you just have to ignore it or I was told to keep trying with everyone else they will come around. After all is said they seem to treat her as if she is the victim in all of this, as if my standing up for myself was wrong and she needs to be babied. I’ve always had a great relationship with the in laws and that is something she hasn’t had, but something has changed and now she is where I use to be and I’m now in her old shoes and feel the distance and dislike or tolerance towards me. I love my in laws but I don’t feel that after all these years I should have to prove myself again. I haven’t given them a reason to be this way towards me. I just want the relationships back that I had.

stephrwallace's picture
That sounds like a tricky situation. Unfortunately, there are some women that, when coming from a family that they did not feel welcome in, they have to do everything they can to be welcomed into the family they marry into. I know a girl like that and it was not a pretty situation. My advice: Distance yourself from her without it being too obvious. As for your in-laws, try and get yourself close to them again. Talk to them, take them out to lunch, take the kids to spend time with them. Don't bring up your SIL, what she's done, what she's said, just nothing. Focus on the positive things that are happening in everyone's lives. Positivity over-rules all the other drama that people often like to create. Hope everything works out for you <3