babb19's picture
babb19

Uncooperative Baby Fathers

Does any other grandparent have troube with an uncooperative and combative father of their grandchild. This man walked out on my daughter and granddaughter, but still my daughter gave him joint custody. I am still trying to get over that. But now his is taking out three year old and not telling us where or what he is doing with her. He then blames my daughter when the child is shy and bored aroung people that she does not know and we think he is then mean to the child. I feel that my hands are tied and it is driving me crazy. Does anyone else have to live through this?



SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Is the father required by a court order to report all activities to the mother? Is the mother in return ordered to report the same? This is a father who is involved in his son’s life. I hear all the time how fathers are not there; then when they are there, that somehow becomes a problem as well. Do you have proof of the malicious allegations you have made against the father? Or is it just a hunch?

acitez's picture
acitez

If your husband could engage the fellow in child development education he might decrease criticizing your daughter about the child's personality quirks.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Or, the two parents could be left alone to raise their child the way they each see fit to. Grandparents rarely help these types of situations. Though their intentions may be good, their actions usually cause more issues than they solve.

acitez's picture
acitez

?Usually?

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Yes, usually, if I had said always, your reply could have been “?Always?” I say usually because there is always a possibility for an exception. When two parents separate and children are involved, that is a highly stressful situation. To involve a third party with their own demands and allegations does not make for an easier process. If you have knowledge of a third party involving themselves in custody issues between two fit parents, and that third party’s demands and allegations made the process easier for the two parents, I would be very interested to read through any transcripts, motions, or whatever documentation you can provide.
The poster states that she has yet to get over her daughter giving shared custody to the father. The mother made a decision that she as a mother thought to be in her daughters best interest, and the third party does not approve.
The poster states that the father is “uncooperative” because he does not tell them where he takes his child on his time. Wherever the father takes HIS child on his time, is his business. To label him as being uncooperative because he does not report his every move to you does not make him uncooperative. If there is a court order stating that the father must provide a visitation summary to the mother and he does not, then he is in violation of the order; absent an order, he is just exercising his parental rights over the objections of a third party.
The poster also states that she believes the father is “mean” to the child. What evidence does the poster have to make such a serious allegation? Is this just a “feeling”? Does the mother believe this as well? If the mother is aware of this, she is more than capable of addressing this issue with the father. The word “mean” is very subjective without going all the way and saying abusive. It is used as a way to place the idea in the readers mind without actually making an abuse allegation.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

SnglDad makes some good points.

I also had joint (nearly 50/50 when we lived in the same area) custody of my 2 children (now 31 and 25) after my ex "walked out on" us. At the time many family members took exception to my decision. It was difficult at times not knowing exactally where they were or what they were doing. My children and I always talked about their time with their father when they came home and though they sometimes complained, they probably had similar complaints about me.

As adults both of my children have thanked me for allowing them to spend the time they did with their father when they were young. My son especially has said he is grateful to have had the father/son bonding he would not have had with just me. My daughter has a closer relationship with her father since she is 6 1/2 years younger than my son so spent more one on one time with her father after my son went to college.

All in all it was good, though at times difficult, and so much better than putting the child through a lot of possibly unnecessary negativity.

tamz's picture
tamz

If this man has a relationship with his child then I would not say he "walked out on her" ...

It was the right thing for your daughter not to fight joint custody. I would not really say she GAVE it to him, it's his legal right. So give yourself permission to "get over it."

If your daughter and the father could attempt to work together, it would be less stressful for everyone including the child!! I'm assuming the father is not reporting his activites to your daughter because he feels he does not have to. If they could make a working relationship I bet both of them would freely report what's on the agenda.

As for him being "mean" that is an assumption. Keep good communication with your 3 year old girl and just do anyting you can to reassure her she is safe with him and help her adjust. It's for her own good.

You feel like your hands are tied because they are, you have no right to interfear with the parenting of these two parents. Be there to support your daugher if she needs advice or help, but keep in mind this is HER child not yours.