My mother called my daughter a little B****
My mother is visiting from out of state and I see her about twice a year. The other day, she called my 9 year old daughter a little B**ch out of frustration when they were cooking in the kitchen. I feel so conflicted. My first reaction was to be hurt myself. I told her it was uncalled for, and she admitted this and apologized to my daughter, and we all continued with the family gathering, as I did not want to cause any conflict. My problem is that I am too nice, and especially to my mother, since she has been there for me during some of my toughest times, my first reaction was to assume she didnt mean it and loves my daugher as her own. She's said those things to my sister and I before, so I was able to let it go, so I thought. Howevver, My husband is very upset about it and has caused me to think about it more. She is her grandmother, not her mother, and has no right, especially when she sees her twice a year. But his reasons for being angry are different. He does not know her like I do, and doesnt think my mom has unconditional love for our daughter, like I do. He thinks that she is prejudiced towards our daughter becuase her skin complexion is darker than our son's and she resembles him, where my son resembles me(my mom is white, and I am half white and black) I know that is not the reason. If anything, it could be becuase my mother never had a boy. I admit, my daughter can be difficult sometimes, but what pre-teen girl isnt? Initially, I partly blamed it on myself beacuse my mom made me feel like I havent been teaching her to respect her elders. Now, I just feel as thought I have been a horrible mother for not standing up against my mother for my daughter in the first place, and feel I need to protect my daughter from her. I felt like a child myslef that day. I just chose to believe she didnt mean it, and even if my husband is wrong about her not loving our daughter, and she didnt mean it, it still does not give my mother the right to talk to my kids that way, nor apologize it away, and think everything is fine. I felt since she is my mother, I owed her some respect, but I am not a child anymore, and now the anger is building up. She leaves in a couple days, and my husband does not want her to come back to our house again on her way out. I havent mentioned anything else about this to her, but I am angry and in the middle. What should I do? my mother feels bad. My husband is livid and likely to stay that way.