Bilas's picture
Bilas

Mother in law problem

Hello everyone,

I have this major problem with my mother in law. My wife and I were married in 2000 and she was from Europe "Lithuania" we have had a really good relationship. We have a 4 year old son. When I met here her Mother in Lithuania she really seemed to love me we did things together and she was great.

We have been trying to get her over here to stay with us for a while and finnaly she agreed in September. We brought her here in October and since then its been getting worse for us.

I found out from my wife that she really does not like me I would use the word "Hate" she puts me down, I recently lost my job and have been going back to school. I have a good severance package and want to finish my degree. She speaks Lithuanian so it is hard for me becasue I am not great in the language. She also finds fault in everything and she dosen't like much of anything.

She says I am a waste, useless, she compares others who make much more money better. She basically said she felt like this from the beginning. She feels money is the only thing that matters.

My wife is sympathetic to me but she keeps saying "What can she do?" She says she can't through her out and I understand she can't be thrown out here becasue she really depends on us. At times my wife sort of sides with her and that makes me feel more depressed. She talks with her nicely knowing what she said about me and how she feels towards me. I feel so sick inside not knowing what can be done. I have said and my wife agrees that she seems to be trying to split us up and have her and my son to herself. I guess she hopes I will just leave. My friends say that she needs to go home.

Can anyone give any advice? I can't go on living here like this its sad! I feel like a prisoner. I feel bad becasue we have a son who just turned 4 and this is tough on him and I don't want that.

Thanks and God bless any advice you can give.



acitez's picture
acitez

It is not good for your boy to see you being disrespected, and it is (obviously) not good for your marriage. Does your sister have any siblings here in the states who could give you a break?

Do you have a priest or other community member who speaks Lithuanian who could help you in communicating to your MIL that she needs to show respect to the "House band"?

My own father showed my Grandma the door when she was disrespectful of my mom. And his mom was about 5th generation US citizen.

Take your wife out on dates. Don't bring up her mom's disrespect. Hang in there!

Dittomom's picture
Dittomom

You are the God made leader of this family. If you are not being respected it's time to do something!

Sit wife and mom down and have a family meeting. This is unacceptable and will not be tolerated any longer.

Starting TODAY we will find you another place to live. Start with your church. Maybe there is another woman her same age that she could share a house or apartment with.

You can still support and help her but you should NOT have to live with disrespect.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I agree w/ both comments above. You shldn't be disrespected by your MIL, especially in your own home. You and your wife need to take a stand against this woman. Be firm, but be respectful. If you don't do this, your marriage will suffer. If your wife chooses not to side w/ you, what can you do? I understand that she probably feels pulled in 2 different directions, but honestly she shld be putting you and your son first. If your MIL doesn't shape up, ship her out ASAP for your sake and the sake of your wife and son. It seems cold hearted, but you have to do what you have to do sometimes. Best of luck.

Sarah Lynn's picture
Sarah Lynn
Honestly, you're screwed. I'm also married to a Lithuanian and unfortunately I live with his parents. They are not like Americans at all and an old school, Lithuanian woman is the most selfish judgemental type of human breed I have ever seen in my life. She doesn't just hate you, they sit around and bash all Americans. Old school [filtered word]es like that think they have the best food, clothes, cars and proabably believe they are some type of superior race. Well they aren't and don't get sucked into her minipulative trap. She should go back to Lithuania. She will probably refuse, try to have her deported. She will never change and I promise your wife will always side with her. Your wife has to make the decesion to stand up and tell her mom to stop and that she can't behave like that.
davetjaden's picture
davetjaden
my experience exactly... Lithuanian mother in laws are hording, domineering, and sneaky. If your name ended in "as" she would love you. The worst to bear to listen to is her luddite wives tales about how best to care for my son when he has a fever..even in the face of NIH.GOV article my sons mother will not act on the science...only her mom's crazy wives tales. at least Iknow I am not alone. She starts arguments about how I got the baby sick...the trouble with that is I am not sick and the baby seems to get sick within days of his Baba getting sick. The cold get him sick. Not the bacteria, or viruses...the cold. Give me a freaking break already. And yes...her mother seeks to make us believe we could never live without her. Did I mention; Baba also tries to prevent the baby from using his left hand. SHE CAN'T LEAVE SOON ENOUGH!!!!