ooainii's picture
ooainii

Don't know what to do with Grandma and Grandpa...

While I love all of my grandparents, I'm having some issues dealing with them.

First, my grandmother that I live with. She is never ever happy. I can't even have a civil conversation with her anymore without it turning into a fight. Literally anything I say to her, or even if I'm in the wrong place in the house at the wrong time she screams. She has nothing good to say about anything. Adding to this is the fact that she refuses to see a doctor. She has swelling in her legs, and she's been to the E.R. a few times for it, but refuses to follow up with doctors because she thinks they are only out for money. I am at a loss here and I don't know what to do with her.

Then my grandfather. I haven't seen him in about 6 years. I ran into him a few weeks ago, and his wife (no relation) kindly informed me that they haven't bothered to see me since I was 18 because it was my responsibility to contact them after that point. They claim I didn't, but I called, wrote emails, and regular mail letters never receiving a response. Shouldn't it be a two way street?

I just don't know what to do anymore...



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I've learned through experience that some people are just very stubborn and set in their ways. Especially as they get older, it's very difficult to convince them to do certain things. This could be due to stubborness or maybe the inability to accept that their getting old. In your case w/ your grandparents, I feel you have done all that you can to try and convince them to change. However, they're adults, and they have the right to make their own decisions, even if you feel they're the wrong ones. As for your grandmother who lives w/ you: Does she own the house, or do you? If it's your home, your have the right to ask her to leave. I don't want to sound mean, and I know that wld be hard for you b/c you care about her, but it's affecting your relationship w/ her. There are many nursing homes or retirement facilities she can consider. Also, wld your grandmother consider a private nurse or home health aide? As for your grandfather, again you took the initiative, in this case to contact him, yet he chose to ignore your efforts. What more can you do? If he doesn't want to see you, then that's what he's going to stick to. It's sad that families can't get along for whatever the reason, and I'm sure this hurts you. I'm sorry you are going through this tough time, and I hope the situations will rectify themselves someday. In the meantime, concentrate on yourself and your life. Be there for your grandmother when she does need you, but at the same time, respect her decisions. Keep your grandparents in your prayers, and know that you did all you cld to try and help them.

ooainii's picture
ooainii

Thank you for your input. There is no way I could get my grandmother to go to a nursing home. She won't even see a doctor. We actually both pay rent on an apartment as well, so I'm kind of stuck. Plus, I'm all she has, I couldn't put her out. Its so frustrating!
As for my grandfather, I realize there isn't much I can do...I just don't understand it at all...

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I'm so sorry. I wish there was something else I cld say. I hope in time things will get better for you and your grandparents. Be as loving and supportive as you can, but give them the space they obviously want. I'm sure deep down they recognize your efforts and know that you love them. They just need to sort out their own feelings independently. Hang in there.