shorty8383's picture
shorty8383

unsupportive family is okay I guess???

not sure how to really start this....but my family drives me crazy! First of all my mom is old fashioned and thinks that every women should be married right out of HS just like her.....she always would talk about how no one would of thought that she would have been the first one married out of her class....but oh boy she surprised everyone and was! big deal sorry..... she also thinks that people who don't have kids are immature people who quote "need to grow up" your not an adult until you are married and have kids... Sorry not my definition of a grown up.. now why does all of this bother me...bc I'm almost 28 not married no kids....don't get me wrong I would love to be married and have kids one day I just haven't found the right guy. To also let you know I'm the 3rd child of 4 girls to my parents.... My mom has constantly nitpicks at me and "gives me relationship advices" I must be doing something wrong...its me...that's the reason I'm not married....i need to grow up... why does this bother me...bc I have a younger sister who plans on getting married this weekend to her kids baby day.....yes she got pregnant @ the age of 19....but since she's getting married now she is more mature than me. My whole family is criticing me bc I am not standing up as a bridesmaid. Why? My sister gave less than a 2 months notice....when I had already told a friend I would stand up for her on her wedding day.....when she asked me almost a yr ago....so what am I suppose to do blow off a good friends two months before her wedding....just to please my sister. Now my younger sister and I haven't gotten a long for quite a few years now she has said some extremely hurtfull things to me so we were never close.....according to my family I am not to have friends....my sisters are to BE MY FRIENDS……my family constantly tells me that I don’t care about my family….why they say this…bc I want to move out of state for more job opportunities that interest me…bc I wanna move out of state they accuse me of not caring for them…We live in a small town where jobs are sparse… Four years ago I got accepted into my dream school…When I had informed my family all hell had broke loose…I don’t care about my family enough to stay here…not a one gave me a congratulations.. They belittled me enough that if I wanted to stay in the family I was to stay in this small town…my dreams crushed…Fast forward three years now and it’s the same thing…they never call me but yet always accuse me of never calling them… Father’s day this year I knew damn well they were all down at the families lake cabin…not a damn one of them picked up the phone to see if I was coming down… I can’t win either way…I’m always the one calling my sisters to see my nieces of nephews inviting myself over…my mother never picks up the phone..”people call her” she doesn’t call people…not to mentions my mother is a hoarder…our town was recently hit with a flood and she blamed me! For not getting all the stuff out b4 the flood hit! I’m not the one that filled with bedrooms with all the stuff!!! I don’t know what to do anymore its been going on for 3+ yrs.. I’m miserable in this town but my family accuses me of not loving them when they don’t show much love either! Not to mention when you walk down the hallways of my parents house you see pictures of sisters but not a damn one of me!! I’m trying so hard to bite my lip and maintain a relationship with my mother but she constantly criticizes me! For instance we went out for supper one night and all she could talk about was my younger sister and her fiancé! Then when I drop her off and home she than shoves relationship advice articles in my face!! So I’m just suppose to put up with her verbal manipulate words just bc she’s my mother….I’m so fed up and alone!!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

I think if you can attend both weddings, that would be the thing to do.

If I were your friend, I would be disturbed to think that my wedding was a higher priority than your sister's wedding, except that your family seems so toxic. Still, I think this is a tough decision to make, and it sounds like you already made it.

The rest of your family is going to cut contact with you because you didn't put family first. I don't know that that's a bad thing. So sorry.

shorty8383's picture
shorty8383

My friends wedding is in another town!!! And I'm sorry but she has been there for me when my family hasn't!!!!!! My younger sister has always wanted to be center of attention....and watching my parents baby her for ten years now!!! And not give a [filtered word] about whats going on in my life!!!! Don't judge someone until you are in their shoes!!!!!

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Shorty, when you put your family history in a "discussion forum" others will offer advice, it's what these forums are for. Mayamay was not judging you; why so defensive? Getting advice from others who may have a different perspective can sometimes give new ideas on how to deal with an old situation.

Mayamay, no good deed goes unpunished.