Sister in Law - flirts with husband
I had marital problems last December. During that time ,my husband and i did not share a bed. Problems happened when we moved from our country, Afrika to the US. I do not have any family here in the US and I went through a very difficult time. I did not want to upset my family back in my country, so I never told them about my problems. We are caucasion. Back in Afrika my brother got married. I did not know my sister in law. After 7 years my brother came to visit me here in the US. To make it short, when my brother arrived they saw that my marriage was not sound. They saw my husband and I did sleep on 2 different beds. When they ask me what was going on, I told them that my husband and I did not sleep together anymore. After telling my brother and sister in law what was going on in my marriage, I realized too late that my sister in law was a selfish manipulator. Staying for 5 weeks with us, my sister in law never helped with anything. The two kids 7 and 9 were playing in the snow and when they came into our apartment with their shoes full of snow, and I asked them to please remove their shoes before comming into the apartment, my sister in law did not like it. She 'blew up' and was stiff-lip. I tried to ignore her sudden change of behaviour and I tried to make their stay so nice as possible. (We are living in a 2 person apartment and it was very diffycult). But I was so glad to see my brother for the first time in 7 years and I tried my best to make them happy. But then my sister in law started putting me down on a very subtile way in conversations. I ignored that and tried to be positive. My husband and I took them to Disney World for a treat , as well as to Miami. There, my sister in law dissappeared occasionally when we were all on a shoppping spree. After finding her she will tell my brother that I do not want to walk with her. And that was not true. I was always seeking her, but never did she ever show any interest to find me and to walk with me. So I did let it go for peace sake and I turned my attention to my brother and the kids that I did not see in 7 years. Then one evening it happened: My sister in law deliberately looked me straight in the eye, 'smiled' walk over to my husband that was sitting in a chair and start to play with his hair and told him how nice and soft his hair was. While doing that she looked at me and gave me that 'smile'. The first time I was shocked and I did not know what to think of her strange behaviour. She knew my husband and I had problems and we were not sharing a bed at that time. So I ignored her. Then occasionally she would look at me daringly, 'smile' and then took my husbands hand in her's, rubbing it slowly and told him his hands was so soft and that he has nice long fingers. Again looking at me, gave me that 'smile' and attitude: what can you do about it ? and I sensed she was waiting for me to react. ................ It hit me like ice water in my face. And I realized that if I react of say anything, she will ridicule me and she will accuse me of being paranoid. And my husband will side with her. So I did not say, react of do anything. (afterwards not to my husband as well) I was paralyzed from shock when the reality hit me, so I ignored her and I did my best to be positive and not to loose my temper. When she saw me ignoring her, she did not stop with her strange behaviour. My husband (not knowing what was going on) got uncomfortable infront of my brother, so he playfully shoved her away from him. Please tell me, how do a person react in a situation like this ???? It hurt so much and I never knew she was such a person. I trusted her and now she is using it against me. The problem is: they are going to visit us again. She doesnt help me with anything and her moods is very difficult for me to understand. If I try to ask her if something is wrong, she denies it and told me that I am just 'imagining' it. Nothing is wrong ! And then for a few moments she will be very 'friendly' and nice. On this moment things are getting better between my husband and I, but mostly I am standing alone. He never assures or give me any security, that he is my husband and my friend, or that he loves me. Therefore I never mention or talked to him about my sister in law's behaviour, or about other woman as well. How can I defend myself against a family member like that ? I really need to know HOW to handle a situation like this. Please help me !