Confused123's picture
Confused123

Relationship troubles

My situation is a unique one. I first met my fiance our freshmen year of high school. We have been together 11yrs now. At times I had my thoughts about committing to a relationship too young and a few years ago we broke up for about a year due to that same thought. We eventually got back together and our relationship was better than ever. Before I continue she did cheat on me while we were in high school which led to our first break up we pushed through it as hard as it was. Fast forward to summer of '09 and my younger brother gets diagnosed with leukemia. She had just found a teaching job an I had just graduated and earned my degree. Being that my mother had to take leave and come up with my brother to be treated, 6hrs away from home, and my father had to work to support the family, I was the one to come up with my mom and bro for support. That same November I proposed and she said yes. Sadly my brother has relapsed twice and our plans have been put off again due to me coming up to support my brother and mom. My fiance recently blew up and said that she feels abandoned and she feels as I am going to keep her waiting forever. We ha a huge fight, she said she need "time", ripping my heart out, and a day later she says she is willing to try to work things out, she still says that she feels neglected. She's waited for almost 2yrs now. I offered to go home but she says its worse when i visit because she knows im going to leave again. Now my mom is very angry that she pulled this and I don't know what to do. I love her and I know she loves me, we both screwed up way back in the past but got through it all. I don't know what to do I'm just so confused. This is very hard considering the situation with my brother as well. He's doing good by the way.



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Do you have children?

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

She feels “abandoned”? History is comfort, but not a solid foundation to rebuild a lasting relationship upon. When a family member is so gravely ill, it is time for family to come together and support one another. The support you have given your brother has put an unnecessary strain on your relationship. Here you have placed your life on hold to help your mother and brother, only to be told that your sacrifice is wrong. This is not the type of person I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Cont. In light of the situation, whether you’re married tomorrow, or five years from now should not matter. Once the ring is placed on her finger, nothing changes. Life is full of struggles and challenges. The person you decide to share the rest of your life with should be your biggest supporter in such situations, not someone who wishes to place yet another undue strain upon you. Good luck to you and your family. I truly hope that your brother will fully recover and go on to live a long and healthy life.

Confused123's picture
Confused123

No, no children.

allybongo's picture
allybongo

sounds to me like , you are stuck in two worlds , hope that things work out for yr family , yr girlfriend must realise that you are tied , and giving you an ultimatum is a bit harsh of her , give her a little compassion though , if she loves you ,she will understand that you are not in the right place to offer her more than the fact that you love her , but her clock is ticking and you must understand that too . why cant she move to where you are for a bit and support you through this .

junieg's picture
junieg

Your mother and brother need you to be there for you at this time and if your girlfriend can't see this then I feel that she is being very selfish. Perhaps she could put herself into your shoes and explore how she would feel if it was a member of her own family who needed this care. I know you love her and feel she loves you, but unless she can be less selfish then I don't think your relationship is going to work anyway.
Hope your brother recovers soon.

jordon21's picture
jordon21

i think you both are confused and still want to stay with each others.