Real Wisdom Needed
I am trying to analyze what makes me insecure in my romantic involvements when I am otherwise an accomplished, confident person. I read about a study showing that those who were especially prone to insecurity in their love relationships were usually the product of one or both parents who were rejecting, indifferent, or inconsistent in their demonstrations of affection. I know that I definitely experienced more than my share of rejection in my childhood. The thing I can't quite grasp is why I clearly recognize this and yet still struggle with it. I want to know what I can do to be released from my past. I pray about it, but I think I need some kind of self-confidence training. I have been able to overcome some big emotional obstacles in my life. I remember when I could not stand to hear the word "daddy" and I refused to allow my children to call me "mommy" ... I remember when I used to set out to hurt a man in a romantic friendship . I felt like men only wanted to use me, but never really wanted to love or help me out in life. After a time of experiencing true kindness, I genuinely changed my thinking and now I know that some men are good and some are not. I also came to terms with the "daddy" thing... I recognized why it felt anger and disgust at the word and eventually came to feel no different about the word than any other. So why can't I experience the comfort or being truly loved??? He truly loves me and yet I don't trust his love... Consciously I know it, but subconsciously I doubt it.