underthere's picture

please advise

Long Story..

My FIL and BIL moved in with my wife and I. We have our own child whom is 4 y/o. So we have a full house. My BIL is in high school. My FIL is in his mid 60's. Me and my wife are 30.

They have lived with us for 4 months now after the passing of her mother. Her brother recieves SSI which he spends on computer parts, games and other various things every month over 200 per month. FIL- spends roughly 70 dollars a day on asian food store specialty items. THey do not pay any rent or utilities to us do to "finances". I work 10-12 hours a day. When I come home, there are dishes in the sink, kitchen is a mess, living room has dirty clothes and blankets and other various things scattered and no house work done what so ever. I asked my BIL to mow the lawn and take out trash, amongst other normal chores for someone of his age. He doesnt do them.. And if on the rare occasion he does, he only does it half way. example; clean the kitty litter.. he will empty it but not put the new litter in... my father in law works but 11-7. he will get home after going to the market, at 9am. then sleep and wander around till 10p. I have also opened a business in there previous home to keep there house so, they wouldnt lose it. The agreement was that I would do the opening and get it organized with the direction that they would run it from then forth. so far they have done nothing. and the business is profitable(with in 4 months). I have told my wife that they need to help out or get out. I have had this conversation several times in the past couple of weeks. Yesterday I finally blew up. I was told that my temper was too much and my stress level was too high, that maybe i should stay at my parents for a while and take a break.. Im thinking are you joking? why would i leave my home that I work hard for? especially when the problem isnt me nor would go away if i was to take a mini vaca..I dont want my wife to feel she has to choose between me or her family but it is too much for me and is causing problems between me and her which i know will trickle down to my daughter. Please anyone who can give advise, I need it.

Old school father's picture
Old school father
You should put boot to a$$ and send them packing. When you and your wife got married you started your own family you both should be on board to do what's best for your family her father and brother are causing issues with your family there shouldn't be a problem with her being on your side in this. My wife and I had similar problems with her family making waves for us and I laid it down that we are our own busing new family and we must be united in what is best for us. If other family members are being detrimental to that goal they are on their own. May be harsh but that's life. If she can't get that you really need to set her down and explain it to her. Presently you are both only enabling your in laws and allowing them to take advantage of you.
Old school father's picture
Old school father
Furthermore if my wife, father in-lawand brother in-law told me I should leave my house because I'm [filtered word]ed at their behavior all their stuff would be out and gone that second. I'm not advising you to break it off with wifey just to stand up and be king of your house set rules if they can't follow and pay their way there's the door.... See ya!!! Hope that helps.
Britt555's picture
I agree. There needs to be clear boundaries.
jimcrich's picture
This is very definitely going to "trickle down" to your child and probably already has. I'd give my wife an ULTIMATUM and then back it up! The lousy in-laws have to go ASAP = OR ELSE! Think of the mental health of your dependent child and then your options will be obvious.