TaraD's picture

Parents discipling together or one at a time?

It seems everytime I am instructing or discipling our 10-year-old daughter, my husband has to jump in. I feel like this is ganging up on her, I know I wouldn't want two people both verbally coming at me. He believes this is parenting and gets defensive when I ask him to stop. He tends to not discipline unless I am doing it, otherwise when he does he either hollers at her or tries to joke and make light of things to avoid confrontation with her. I believe she has more respect for my authority because she knows where I stand. He is either riding my coatails or swings from one extreme to the other and you don't know which one you will get.

Maybe I am wrong, when discussing with her tonight why it's 9:00 and she is still doing homework he had to get right in there too. He cannot just talk to her at these times, he always has to raise his voice. When I do resort to hollering it is quick and gets your attention. I never make it personal or take it personally. He does the opposite and can take her upsetting him very personally. Any thoughts?

macmomma's picture
It sounds like he might not even know how to discipline. If he goes overboard or laughs it off on his own, that would explain why gets on your discipline train when you are driving. I experience a similar issue. Have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel and then ask him to try something with you: when its time to discipline, he needs to be quiet and let you talk, and then he will get a chance to say something and he cannot add to or repeat what you said. That way he will feel like he is a part of it w/out upstaging you. And he might find that he doesnt need to say anything at all. My daughter will tell you it is no fun being 'ganged' up on by both parents, it only breeds frustration and resentment. Good luck