Be's picture
Be

Not sure if I should say something

My neighbor and I are really good friends. Our kids are close in ages and we share the same babysitter for weekday afternoons. She and her kids were in Florida visiting her parents for the first half of last week, her husband stayed behind for work.

I was in the kitchen preparing dinner on New Year's Eve when I saw the babysitter pull into their driveway around 6; I didn't really think anything of it at first and didn't look again the rest of the night. I'm generally an early riser and I saw her car was still in their driveway the next morning around 7, this is when I started to get suspicious. I went about my errands, when I looked again around 8...her car was gone.

I told my husband what I saw and he also thinks something might be going on. He said the next time he has a chance to chat with the neighbor, he would try to bring it up; they're decent enough friends. I just don't know if I should say something to my neighbor or wait until my husband gets proof. I certainly don't want this woman as a babysitter if she is sleeping with the neighbor's husband.



junieg's picture
junieg
I can understand your concerns for employing her as a babysitter, and also because you are very good friends with his wife. It is a difficult situation. I would leave your husband to have a quiet word with her husband if you can, but I would not say anything to her at the moment. You need to be very sure that something is going on before doing anything. Personally, I would leave well alone, but if I did have to voice my concerns, it would be to the babysitter. Hope all works out for your friend
pallen2u's picture
pallen2u
I wouldn't jump to conclusions. What if the dad took a hunting trip with friends or something, and the sitter stayed with kids overnight? You just don't know. Maybe you could ask the babysitter if she babysat all night. and see what she comes up with???
Mazzy's picture
Mazzy
Well, because you said your neighbor took the kids on vacation, it's likely that the husband wouldn't need a babysitter unless one of the children stayed behind. In that case, maybe he went out and she came over to watch the child. I would not suggest confronting the possible cheaters because they will just lie. Wait until your neighbor returns home from her trip, ask her how it went and then mention you noticed that the sitter was overnight watching the child that stayed home and ask if he or she is feeling better and if everything is okay. That way, you don't come across as accusing anyone of anything. If a child was truly left home because he or she was sick, then you will not make a fool of yourself for coming to the wrong conclusion. And if that is not the case, then it is up to your neighbor to decide whether or not something went on and how to handle it.
chjmk's picture
chjmk
Well, you must feel heartbroken, worried and angry for your neighbor. As counter intuitive as it is, and heartless as it feels, STAY OUT OF IT. This situation is a minefield, which you would have difficulty navigating if this woman were your best friend in the world. But, you are neighbors. You don't know how she will react to this information, and it could go very badly. This is your very existence and happiness you are risking by getting involved. You don't know when or if ever, either of you will move. Plus your daughters relationship will surely be affected. "Good fences make good neighbors" is an expression with much wisdom behind it. She will have other opportunities to find out. And, even though I have no idea what it could be, it may not be what it seems. Talk about awkward. Get a new sitter and be prepared to support her.
Be's picture
Be
Update: My neighbor and all her kids spent last weekend at her cousin's house, her husband stayed behind. Again, the babysitter pulled in around 7pm on Friday and her car was there until around 9 the next morning. I told my husband about it and he had the chance to talk to the neighbor's husband. Surprisingly, he admitted to my husband that he's been sleeping with the babysitter a few times a week since last year. He says he feels guilty and wants to cut it off but it makes him feel young/desirable that a girl in her 20s could be interested in him. My husband suggested that he end it and deal with it on his own. I want to tell my neighbor about her husband, but at the same time I don't want to insert myself. Also, I don't want to cause problems between my husband and the neighbor's husband because he'll know my husband told me. Should I confront the babysitter?