bluewho's picture
bluewho

No one else to talk to

My ex husband and i had a very rough marriage and divorce. i moved out of state with my 2 children and am now newly remarried. last fathers day the kids an i were on vacation and my van broke down and every thing hat day seemed to go wrong. (ill get to the point of the day) well as usual my kids father hadnt called going on 7 weeks, so i called and he was very nasty on the phone telling me that he didnt want to talk to the kids because they didnt call him on fathers day. (kids are 10 and 7) and started yelling at me telling me i was a bad mom. i tried to explain to him that it was not intenitional, but he wouldnt even listen, as always i got called every name in the book and i reminded him how for the last 2 years he hasnt even called his son on his birthday. i then told him i wish he would be more active in his kids lives at least with phone calls. he told me he dont want to pay child support no more and wants to sign his rights over (which he has said for years now about the child support) he doesnt make any attempt to see the kids except a phone call of promises of gifts and to go see him for the summer then when its time, the gifts never come and neither does he. anyways, i explained to him that his son is confused and calls him by his first name not dad, so he needs to call more often he then tells me that he dont want to be their father no more with a few vulgare words says you know what do me a favor tell the kids i hate them and wish they would die, i immediatly hung up the phone and havent talked to him since... my question is.. how do i tell the kids? id never tell him what he said about them except he dont want to be a dad no more.. help :(



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Don't tell them anything unless they ask. Then, offer generalities "He was rude, and I don't want to talk about it" not specifics. What has the court said about visitation? You need to comply with what the court says or get it changed. Visitation and paying support are not linked.

It's a good idea to get your kids really solidly established before you have more kids. If they haven't had counseling, now would be a good time. My community offers 'how to be in a step-family' classes.