Kara's picture
Kara

Need a piece of advice

I am 25, married and have a daughter, 2 years and 10 months. I am living with my in-laws. I hate them, to tell the truth, and we're planning to move out in a couple of YEARS (!)

This summer i am going on a business trip for a week. Today DH was saying things like "Ok, you'll go to the business trip and we'll (DH, MIL and FIL) go to another city (they had a house there and still do) for holidays. And we'll take DD...". I said "Oh, please, no way. DD is too small to go out of country for a week without mommy! She has never been away from mommy for more than 3 days (I was sick and in my parents' house), and living in her own house, by the way, not far in another city, where she isn't familiar with anything! Only when she's 5 years old, I shall let her go with Grandparents to another city." DH said "You'll not be here during that time, how would you know where we're taking DD or what we're doing? You don't have any guarantees". (!!!)
Can you imagine?! It means I can't have a say regarding my own DD, because I'm going on a business trip?!
We decided to thing and consider separately, then speak about it again.
I am more than sure that DH is not going to go with them, he just trusts them so much with the DD. But I DON"T TRUST THEM with my kid. She goes to daycare while i work, and then i am with her the rest of evening. I don't trust them with DD and have never had. And in that city where they wanna take her,there are forests, where FIL is planning to take her and show her the forest, etc... (no animals there), and there are silly neighbors, who have caught flu all the time, etc... many anti-hygienic things... not speaking about the bathing issues (I am more than sure there isn't a clean bathtub there in their old house). And where is she going to sleep? With her DIRTY grandma, of course... in her own bed! And why's she dirty, coz she takes showers once a month!
I have made up my mind.
I shall say NO. I shall say "I do not allow them, or even you, to take my baby away in another unfamiliar to my baby city, and plus that she's going to miss me, she's also going to miss her room, her toys, her other grandparents (my Family)... it's going to be hard for her, and for me, too!" And, if, they DO take her anyways,..... and when I come back I learn that they have done it without my permission, I am going to take my child and leave the house. Rent an apartment and live there till my silly DH understands and realizes his mistake!
Please give me any advice, and if my decisions are correct?
Thanks so much!!!!!



mayamay's picture
mayamay

Your diaghter sees her grandparents every day, they aren't strangers, they managed to rear your husband into a man you wanted to marry, and nobody ever died from not bathing for a week. Or a month, apparently.

You need to work on building a relationship, not get into a turf war with your in-laws. They are gracious enough to share their home with you.

The silly thing you did was to marry and have a child before you were able to provide for your own family. Sorry.

Sister83's picture
Sister83

I'm sort of confused by your reasoning. You don't want your daughter to go on vacation b/c she has never been away from you for a week... but you just said you will be on a business trip for a week... so she'll be away from you anyway.

If you think your in-laws are dirty and not to be trusted, why are you staying at their house? For years?? I would recommend moving out with your husband and daughter ASAP.