ryost81's picture
ryost81

My Step-Daughter's father wants nothing to do with her

I don't know if this is the right forum.

Last night was an extremely hard night for me and my wife. I got about 4 hours of sleep and my wife and I are physically and emotionally exhausted. I've been scanning the internet to find any advice and I just didn't see anyone.

Here is the story and appreciate anyone who can read through this entire thing.

My wife and I got married 2 years ago. When I married her I inherited 4 beautiful step-daughters whom I love like they are my own. We recently had our first child together in January.

My relationship with the girls father is non-existent. We have never spoken to each other, but I have always spoken well of him to the girls because I believe it is important that they have at least some sort of positive relationship with their father. It has been hard to swallow to build him up sometimes, but it isn't about me and my wife but the girls.

My oldest (15) has been having a hard time with her dad for a few months now. She was growing frustrated with his lack of involvement. He never calls or texts throughout the week and on his weekend he picks them up and takes them to his parents or his sisters and spends very little time with them. He never attends any special event that they are involved in. My oldest has been harboring it in until recently she shot a text message (without her mom and I's knowledge) that said she was sick of him not being involved and doing nothing for his daughters except what is mandatory by courts. He never responded to her except that he emailed her mom the actual text messages and wanted us to deal with it, explaining that he does beyond what he is supposed to do.

Her tone was very disrespectful and we could tell that she was very angry and hurt. Her mom spoke with her and corrected her tone and said that if she has issues with her dad than she needs to speak openly about them, but to always remember that it is her dad and she needs to respect him.

Her dad then emailed my wife telling her that we were instilling bad values into her and that she should not speak to him that way. We have never spoken against him and there have been many times that I have personally went out of my way to build him up to his daughters when they get frustrated with him. I now believe that I made a terrible mistake by doing that. We just kind of blew the email off because he was angry and he did have a right to be offended because her tone was terrible.

His weekend started last night and right after we pulled into his parents driveway and dropped the 4 girls off he took his daughter for a drive to speak with her about what was said. 20 minutes later we received a phone call from him saying that she was unrepentant and wanted nothing to do with her anymore unless she apologizes to him for saying those lies about him. He had her start walking and my wife's parents who live close by (we were almost home) picked her up.

My wife brought her home last night and she did OK, but then the floodgates opened and I sat and watched my 15 year old step-daughter ball her eyes out because her dad no longer wants her. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and it left me feeling completely powerless. She was wrong for her tone, but she is a teenager and that stuff will happen when you raise one. I can't believe a father would disown his own child.

I said all that to ask this question. Is he allowed to reject one daughter while continuing his visitation with his other daughters? I hope that this blows over, but I doubt it will. He had almost 2 weeks to plan out what he was going to do.

Thanks for any help.



mayamay's picture
mayamay
I'd go for counseling for the whole family, individual and group.
nicole74's picture
nicole74
I think that it shows his immaturity and his lack of parenting to just shun her away. Granted she must of hurt his feelings, but she also hit a nerve with him. I would let some time pass and see what happens. Sadly enough you can't do anything on his end, he sounds like for right now his mind is made up. On your end just listen to her and support her. It might also be time to be real with the other girls and stop protecting him so much. I do it with my step daughters mom all the time. She backs out and changes plans on a day to day basis and I can't live my life like that. At first I would tell my stepdaughter 'that things can change last minute, no big deal' but now she is getting older and has picked up that its not me, thank god. Goodluck