Katherine22's picture
Katherine22

My child is having a hard time bonding with her father.

My daughter is 2 now and her father was absent for the first year of her life. He didn't know about her till she was one. We are together now and trying to make are lives together. One problem though, my little girl always cries when he tries to pick her up or play with her. I dont know what to do and it really hurts him and me when she does this. I show her that he is a good guy and that he loves her but she still does the same thing everytime. We don't know what do to to get her to realize that he cares for her and she is okay with him. If anyone has any advice i would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.



acitez's picture
acitez

The thing is, there are so many questions to ask.
Was your daughter in daycare? Is she still? Has she had the same provider or have there been changes? Does it feel to her as if she is less sure of you because her dad is in your lives? Are you sharing a household? Did she have stranger anxiety when you first introduced him to her?

I think you might have to have him around until she is 4 or 5. A lot of kids, even in intact families, go through a stage where daddy is just not their favorite. One of my kids would freak out when my brother would come over, we couldn't ever figure out why. She was just extra sensitive.

Sister83's picture
Sister83

Don't be upset, I think it is normal and it will just take her time to get used to him.

My father didn't live with us until I was 5 or 6 years old. Before that, he lived a 2-3 hour plane ride away and I saw him rarely. When he visited us, my mother tells me I refused to even acknowledge him. I wouldn't talk to him or look at him. It was very difficult for me when he just suddenly permanently moved in one day. I think my mother thought that b/c we had a biological tie, it would be natural and easy, but the fact remains that he was a complete stranger to me.

I don't think your daughter will be impacted like I was because she is so young- but I told you my experience b/c I think it is important to realize that, despite biology, this guy is a stranger to your daughter. And you should treat their relationship like you would if you decided to start a life with a man that is not her father. In other words, don't expect her to love and be bonded to him right away.