F's picture
F

Moving out

I am a young adult still living with my parents and adult brother. I moved out for 4 years when I went to college in another state. When I graduated I moved back in when looking for a job.

Because I had so much trouble finding something full time, I could not afford to move out for about a year. My parents are great in some respects. I don't have a curfew and I'm not expected to pay rent (I do help out with things like food and household needs and I pay my bills). That said, I feel emotionally drained.

I'm pretty sure both my parents are alcoholics. They get drunk at least 3 times a week and they drink at least a bottle and a half of wine per night. They also argue with each other a lot, while drunk and sober. My father is overbearing and treats my mother like his paid chef and maid. She is incredibly stressed out about it, but talking to him seems to do no good and she routinely locks herself in her room to cry. She won't talk to me about it, because she doesn't want to burden me.

A couple months ago, I got a full time job with a modest salary. I've brought the idea of moving out up a couple times to my mother, but she finds excuses as to why I shouldn't ("you should really be saving up money", "what if you decide to go back to school", "you don't really need to", etc.). I know she really wants me to stay and my brother says he has experienced the same thing.

I don't have much money, but I have a friend who owns his own house and will rent me a room for very little money. Alternatively, if I am very frugal, I have looked on Craigslist and found rooms I could afford to rent.

I think I will be a lot happier if I move out. I wouldn't say that my house is abusive, but it is definitely not happy and I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do to fix it. My greatest concern is that my mother will not be able to endure my father being angry and demanding all the time without me. Although I would be close by and would routinely come for dinner, I am really concerned about how my move would emotionally impact my mother.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.



mayamay's picture
mayamay
This is one of those airplane moments. First get yourself safe, then start thinking about how to make your mom safe. You can't get her out of the hole while you are still down in the hole with her.