Mother's Day Spat
I called my mother to wish her a happy mother's day and somehow she slipped into discussions about my business and other off-topic subjects. My mother has a history of not really listening, rather she has to start fixing everything without realizing she's skating into sensitive territory and then it always unexpectedly gets a rise out of me and suddenly she's the victim when I'm the one who is feeling emotionally assaulted.
As an adult I can see this pattern and once my emotions settle I can understand she is only trying to help. What is troublesome is the manner in which it takes place, because it's not that she's just helping, she's questioning and her approach is one of someone grabbing an arm that is broken and then feeling offended because she was only trying to help.
After years of this happening I still can't get her to see her role in this kind of cause and effect that takes place. This pattern only exists between the two of us so I find it incredbily frustrating. My mother has a Phd so she's an intelligent woman, but I sometimes feel like she seems to possess intelligence in some areas of logic and reason by her emotional senses are less attuned.
I think my recent awareness of some of the aforementioned might offer something for me to discuss, but history has taught me that she is so convinced she is well-intended that she cannot see herself as a contributor to the problem when I become upset. She is always the victim and I the aggressor. This is very troubling because it leaves me with feelings of guilt, even though my rational mind understands that she means well and that I am in no way seeking confrontation or trying to be overly sensitive.
I'm interested in knowing better methods of dealing with this kind of problem because it bothers me greatly that on mother's day of all days this had to occur. However, when one becomes emotional the rational mind is not always present and so it's difficult to step back and stop something before it happens.