cdn_mumof3's picture
cdn_mumof3

Mother's Day

Ok, so I had the best Mother's Day ever, until about 5 minutes ago.
I am a single mom, dating, but till August, living alone with my three children. When I woke up this morning, my kids had breakfast made for me, pancakes, muffins, fruit, shake, it was amazing, coming from my 13 and 11 year old. Supper was great and everything in between.

My boyfriend, who also has three kids, is a widow. His wife died almost 3 years ago. I love him to death, and I understand all the feelings, days etc.

Anywho, I did not hear from him at all today. He usually will send me an email or call, even on his bad days, but nothing today....until a few minutes ago. "not a good day, i have nothing to talk about, going to bed." That's it.

So, I am afraid, afraid of what is going to happen next year. My kids always do stuff for me, and I want to be happy and excited about it, but thinking about being one big family, doesn't make me too excited about mother's day anymore. Should I feel bad for being happy, and should my kids feel bad for doing stuff for me when their mom is gone? I don't want to stop what we do, we have fun, but it is definitely going to feel weird.

Any advice out there?



SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

You should not feel guilty for being happy and celebrating mother’s day with your children. Maybe next mother’s day they could start a tradition of doing something in memory of their mother. Make it a day to celebrate the life rather than focusing on the loss of their mother.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Why did your b/f and his children not spend the day with you and your children celebrating Mother's Day? Is there a particular reason?

My husband's ex does not celebrate Mother's Day so his 2 boys celebrate with us, which is enjoyable for us all. Maybe you could suggest doing that and incorporating SnglDad's suggestion also.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I can understand how your BF feels. I lost my mom several yrs ago, so days like Mother's Day and her b-day always bring back bitter-sweet memories. Three yrs is not a long time, and your BF is probably still grieving the loss of his wife. Give him time and be supportive. Don't feel guilty for enjoying your day w/ your children, but also don't get upset w/ your BF not being there to celebrate w/ you. B/c he didn't feel upbeat about the day, he probably didn't want to ruin it for you and your kids. Hopefully time will bring comfort to your BF, and like sngldad said, he can celebrate the good memories he had, as well as the new memories he will form w/ you. This is particularly important for the sake of his children. Be patient. Your BF will come around in time. It took my dad a while also, but he's doing a lot better now. Talking to someone always helps as well. Hang in there.

cindy3's picture
cindy3

what did your ex husband give you

Thankyou,Cindy3

cdn_mumof3's picture
cdn_mumof3

Thank you everyone for your advice. I'm sure that in time things will be perfect, and hopefully we can start our own traditions.

Cindy, what do you mean what did my ex husband get me???? You have lost me.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

When blending a family, things will never be "perfect", but things can be worked out with compromise, understanding and the positive attitude you possess.

Cindy has made several puzzling posts. She lost me on that one also.