Aaron F.'s picture
Aaron F.

Mother vs. son problems

I am currently waiting out my time over the next 4 months before I personally remove myself from my household. The relationship between my mother and I has decreeced dramatically over the past 5-6 years; as during that time she supported my abusive father (who is now no longer in my life), tried multiple ways to control me (i.e. drugs, therapy, and even institutions) when there is not problem with me in any which way whatsoever as so many professionals have told her, and ontop of that she is trying desperitially to ruin my future life, which she knows that she will no longer be within or have any hold on whatsoever. Here's some information about me, I'm 17 years old, I have been to three mental institutions within the past 4 years, all of which said that I had no mental problems to any degree as well as physical. The first time my parents were still together and they decieded that their parenting wasnt doing enough so they asked for them to hold me for 24 hours in our local rehab center. They did, and through the therapy and such they decieded to hold me longer because I had a "slight anger problem" that could be adressed within a matter of a couple days. A week later and over 5 grand in debt, I was returned home. Now before that, I was sheltered beyond any belief. I had no information about the outside world, I was homeschooled, and all the information I recieved from my parents turned out to be lies (i.e. sex is kissing in the dark when your naked). So being that far away from my "shelter" was devistating. Learning that most of these things were lies, was even more. Only to return home to yelling, my father getting drunk, my mother doing nothing about it; and even my father physically abusing my littlest sister who at the time was no older the 5 years old threw me into a rage. I ran to my room and vented on my paper, creating violent and revengeful lyrics that later were found by my "very disturbed parents". None of the contents were directly involving them but they got the point. The metaphores used were out of their control and so they threw me right back in with the lyrics as proof of me "wanting to kill my entire family, he's psycho!" - a quote directly from my father who just that morning downed a case of beer and had yet again hitten my younger sister. So three months later, and they realizing i'm completely fine, i was released only to be returned 3 years later with the same lyrics in my mother's hands (she had saved the hardcopies) as proof i was back at it again! Just because I cant take her "i love you but i hate you" speeches anymore. Now, my father left my mother for a highschool lover who left him in the end, my father also beat me as a child and i suffered mental trama that i've just resently gotten over.  I've had years of therapy and know psychology better then any therapist i've ever visited as they have told me right out even at the young age i was, that if i ever wanted to join their world helping people, i could make alot of money doing it. Only i chose a higher path in the end, and became an author. I have written and published so far two books, a third on the way, as well as i have other books i'm finishing. All of which have been quite a big hit: as the first sold 86,000 copies within the first three months! I have also become majorly religious and have prosued my faith in the left hand paths, to my mother and fathers disaproval. Only it has made me a stronger, better person, as i have ways to channel my anger, rage and stress into a natural allowed acceptable thing instead of writting very poor lyrics that dont even rhyme. My IQ was ranked three years ago at 187, which is quite alot for someone as young as myself. I am currently engaged to a wonderful woman, as we have been for the past two years, in which we have suffered and gone through quite alot inclooding two miscarages. Both of which was late in the month and very very dramatically painful to the both of us. I've paid for a roof over my own head and food not only for my own stomach but for my fiancee as well. I am currently working with majorlined companies putting out my own fasion line, energy drinks, books, recipies and more! All at the age of 17. I am a heavy chain-smoker, as well as i used to do more drugs then you could probably name. So i know what its like and i dont recommend it. I've been stabbed, run-over, and shot at by people i used to consider as close as family to me. I've been threatened, beaten and broken bones without even saying "ouch". I am a masacist to the fullest extent, and that also worries my mother. Her insurance on me is shot, as i have a record of hospital bills due to experiances that is longer then most peoples biographies. I have written a script that is currently in a full movie production at the moment, and will due to copyrights not reveal its name. I have re-written the manuals on philosophies of life and published them as my own, only to be recieved with open arms by people i never knew existed. I have my entire life ahead of me. Except for the fact that i am mentally and emotionally deprived by my own family. My father, like i said before is out of the question. My sisters love me to death, but hate that i get all the attention, even if its in the wrong way. My mother thinks i'm from hell itself, and must be punished accordingly. She doesnt listen to a word i say, and only looks at the negative. Or at least what she see's as negative. She's always yelling at me that i need to change and comform to her standards. I must give up my religion (which i would and will never do), and i must stop all the "horrible things i'm doing." Like making jokes about the more serious things in life, and moving on like water of a ducks back. It one way i cope with life. I'm more at home around adults then i am with people my own age. More and more teens are only thinking about cars and the next [filtered word]. I think about the next paycheck and how much food i'll be able to get while paying for the upcomming bills for the appartment i'm desperitally trying to get ahold of again. Ontop of that, i'm trying to take care of my malnutrisiously deprived little sister, who once was what kept me alive and from killing myself when my father was around. All she eats is candy, candy, and more sugar filled things without regard. She now has a total of 8 cavities and just recently had to have the 9th pulled it was so rotten. To only have my mother say, "oh well" and keep it up. Not worring about diabeties or any other physical problems like weight. In which she comes home from school and tells me about how the other children call her "fatty" and "beached-wale". So we're working out together and she just yesterday turned 9. But its become even harder as my mother has taken her out of the equation by keeping her at a friends house from her church. Because, "I'm a bad influence upon her fragile mind and soul." I'm constantly being yelled at and threatened with meaningless things. As well as i know me legal rights more then ever now, and have my mother at a catch 22 towards her actions. She wont take any advice, but she sure knows how to dish it out, even though its twisted and follows no known forms of reasonable logic. To my research i have proformed, she is a paranoid bipolar MPD, thats as well as skitso. I've also talked to some other friends of mine who have their PHD's and Masters degrees in psychology and they agree with me, that it is a definite possibility. But now, she's forcing my sister away from my, my eldest sister is moving back in with my father because she cant take it anymore. And I'm moving out in 4 months. Only she says she cant wait that long, she wants me to drop out, and leave a.s.a.p.. While i understand the need and meaning of a good education and tell her i only have one more year before i go to college. She refusses to accept that and says that i must leave. Even if that means turning me over to a troubled boys camp or over to the state. Now, i have no problem with living in a disfuctional house. For all tense and purposes, every home isnt perfect. But being emotionally and mentally deprived of those things which i need inclooding a mothers acceptance and love of who i am, as well as my little sister who is on of the only reasons i'm alive today, is more then i can take. I honestly worry myself sometimes as my mother gets so close in my face that i can smell her own tooth decay, while she's spitting how much she hates me and wants me to hit her that way she can call the cops on me. Oh, btw, my mother is a police officer! So now, i'm stuck, i refuse to move from my spot until i get some respect and honor from a mother who demands it from me, but deserves nothing in return. Yes she had me, yes she takes care of the bill for the shelter, transportation, and food. But the things i'm getting as a side-effect...arnt what i legally bargened for. All the above, she LEGALLY has to do. If she doesnt, she goes to jail, simple as that. But she is honestly obsessed with herself and will do nothing to harm that way of life that she has brought upon herself. I have no one to look to, as we just recently moved from my hometown and all of my close friends and fiancee are back there. Over 500 miles away. I need advice on how to deal with this situation. I know the easiest way would to be to comform and do everything she says to; but i've triend and it only increased the yelling and screaming as she's so paranoid she thinks i'm only doing it to get by the 4 months (which she's right) and she doesnt want that. She wants complete and utter silent slavery over me. But even if she had that (which she wont) he wouldnt even notice because there would have to be a 'conspiracy' behind it. Theres no easy way anymore for me. Is there any way i can get her to be in a rehab without her concent? She's slowly losing it more and more each day, and soon, she'll snap. I'm not worried about me, i'm worried about my 9 year old sister and wh



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Your 17 now, and if you can hold down a job and support yourself, do it. I think it's important that you finish school and also have medical insurance. You may be able to apply for financial aid as well as get insurance through your job or possibly your college (if you decide to further your education). Even more important, however, is your mental health. Although you've never been diagnosed w/ a mental disorder, you have lived in a disfunctional family. Between your father's alcohol abuse and your mother's mental state in question, you've been directly affected yourself. You can't deny or ignore that.
I'm happy to hear that you're in a committed relationship, but my advice to you is to not rush into marriage. You're also too young to be having children. Besides, there's too many other things in the equation that must be dealt w/ first. Talk to your fiance about birth control asap. Both of you need to get your lives in order, finish school and secure a job. I admire you for creating a business for yourself at such a young age. Many people wld get knocked down after living through the numerous yrs of emotional hell you've been through. However, you've been able to rise above it all and become a stronger person. That's very admirable. With that said, you still have a long road ahead of you. Don't think that b/c you move out of your house that things will be wonderful now. I think it will be better, w/ a lot less stress, but you still need time to heal from all the emotional scars and anger I'm sure you still have. Get counceling for yourself, even if you feel you are "fine". You don't want to repeat any of the same patterns you were brought up on w/ your fiance and any future children you may have. Look into a clinic in your area that offers support to others like yourself. Even a support group may be helpful.
I wish you all the best. It's not going to be easy, but you're smart, and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. If you can overcome this, you can pretty much overcome anything. Hang in there.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

PS--As for your little sister, I don't know if you can have her removed from your parents care. By law, you're not old enough to be her caregiver, and if you report your parents, who knows what will happen to her? Is there another family member your sister cld live w/? What about your older sister? I don't think moving back w/ your alcoholic father is the solution for her either. How old is your older sister? Does she have a job to support herself?
I'm sorry I don't have all the answers for your family. It's evident that you all need help. Do what you can to take care of yourself, and be there to support your sisters as much as you can. They need you.

Aaron F.'s picture
Aaron F.

I understand what you are getting at, and I assure you moreover, that the only things that have come out of this for me are the strong-headed characteristics I have acquired and a keen eye for trouble! I can sense when its coming, and get the hell out of there before anything can happen, even though usually it follows, I still have a head-start. Its neither a good nor bad ability to have taken upon myself, just like this “anger” your getting at. It seems to me that a lot of people nowadays have quite a strong issue with its contents. Now, let me tell you something, and please remember it always as it will help you in the future: anger is neither bad nor good. There is no such thing really, as what is bad to one person is good to another so there is only an illusion of what is right and what is wrong. That is why I take extreme precautions that all and any of my actions are neither right nor wrong, but instead they harm no one. That way, I am in the clear. Anger is not the problem, otherwise we as humans wouldn’t feel its effects each and every day (i.e. slow traffic, packages not delivered, gum on the bottom of our shoe, a cheating wife/husband, and so on and so forth etc. etc. etc.). Now with that out of the way, I can assure you that the healing has already begun within these last four moths I am contained within my metaphorical “prison.” I have a stable job as an author as well as everything else. My income is over six digits a year. Which is more then the average forty-year-old working in some fancy corporation and has been treated like pure [filtered word] for the past fourteen, as that is how long it took them to receive a simple promotion! As well as, age means nothing. I teach this in more then one way to more then a couple people everywhere I go. Age is nothing! I am a pure humanist. We are all capable to do what others are. A child, lying upon its cradle; how are we to judge you if we know not what goes through your head? Same with an adult, who just like the child is capable of great feats that involve soiling themselves and spitting gibberish and smiling wildly when doing so! If someone who has an IQ less then mine can run this country into the ground, while the president before him was of lesser IQ rose it to its very peek of improvement, I think I have had enough said there! Oh, ye hated conservatives! It matters NOT what age, but what you are capable of. I have proven myself and others like myself capable of many things; great and small; “Evil” and “Good”. So it matters not what age at all. Only the laws of this hypothetically “free” country are blinded truly by age, and thus have a footed us with the blame and we as “good” people of this twisted society wear it proudly! As moreover for my sister, the eldest one, is sixteen, still younger then I. Yet she has made up her mind, and will not budge from her train of though – even though it is destructive. As for other family members: none that I would recommend. My father has access and control over all those upon his side of the family tree, as well as my mothers side is obsessively religious to the point of insanity in its purest form, thus more then most have taken upon themselves the “honor” as they say of joining the KKK or other redneck alliances of such magnitude. So no, there is no one other then myself who is legally “sane” within this insane world that is my family. As I through it all do have two feet upon the ground, my arms flailing in the air to the sound of pagan drums, and beside me is my fiancée and friends; who with every fiber of beings would follow me to the ends of the earth and back. I am loved, that I will admit, I do have what this society would consider ‘problems’ (i.e. masochism), and I am currently struggling to attain a higher level upon this great nation. I may sound different, look different, or even act more differently then anyone you’ll ever meet, but that only attracts the attention of those who are in higher places then myself that way I can show them my true potential and climb up the latter in life faster then most people can within decades.

P.S. I forgot to mention, my father when I was a child, force-fed me illegal substances, which resulted in the dramatic weakening of my heart. So far, many specialists have told me that it will give out and be no longer of any use to anyone around the time of my 21st birthday. So in the end, I do have a shorter lifespan then most people, and I don’t mind at all. Life in general is more beautiful then it ever would have been as a “normal” person as I would have taken everything for granted. I had no wish to replace it, have a heart-transplant before the time, or take any mediation as well. I exercise a little, and I try not to speed up my heart past twice its normal BPM’s. Which I’ve done on more then one occasion and never have had to receive any sort of medical attention. I have simply passed out and woken a couple hours later, completely regenerated. I like what my life is going towards, and I would not change it for the world.