thelightinglady's picture
thelightinglady

Marital Committment

My therapist keeps working hard on trying to  get me to deal with the anger and resentment that I have regarding my husband walking out on me and the kids. She feels I should develop empathy for him. The thing is, he runs away from everything that requires emotional intelligence - he knows he doesn't have it, and he doesn't want to put in the effort to get it. I've come to the realization that he is very scared, but also very selfish, because he's seen his lack of EI have negative effects on the kids and still does nothing. My saving grace is that I have accepted this. When I try to focus on empathy for him, I get really angry - when I focus on the kids and I moving forward, I have lots of positive energy. Yes, it's a crying shame that for whatever reason former hubby has, that he's chosen to quit his family over getting help. But I should have empathy for that? I get to pick up all the pieces and do the teen years alone yet again - he left when our 1st child hit 14 and was "challenging" He returned later, when things got better. Any thoughts out there?



im_a_flymom's picture
im_a_flymom

Well, I'd say just because someone is a therpaist doesn't mean they are right 100% of the time. Right? I mean, if you're happy thinking about the future,and your kids, then go with it. If I'm reading your post right, your husband has left you. Yes? Aren't you suppose to pick up the pieces and move on? And if your taking advice, mine would be don't take him back this time. You have to look out for yourself. If you have a chance to be happy, take it. Seems like he certianly would. And hey, if your therapist has so much empathy for him, maybe she should deal with him. Good luck.