living with in-laws - I need to MOVE OUT!!
Hi i need advice here. Any response will be strongly appreciated. i think this will be a bit longer, so please be patient...
It all started like this: I and my present husband were dating for already 2 years. He was still living with his parents and brother in their house, though it's not their house from long ago - they had moved into the capital city from another region only 3 years ago. My husband was working and supporting his family financially. When we decided to get married, he suggested that we lived with his family, and i said - no, i want to have privacy, my own home, etc. but 6 months before marriage i changed my mind and one damned night called him to tell him that i wanted to live with his family. Why? 1) I thought their apartment was very big and nice and i would want to 'lose' it, 2) I knew i would be a working mom, so i needed my MIL to care for my babies,(i thought i wouldn't trust baby-sitters) and 3) i simply wanted to make him HAPPY. So we got married and started living with his family. His brother got married and moved out to live with his wife in a separate apartment which they rented. I and my husband worked full-time and supported the whole family financially (we bought all the food, all the clothes for everyone, paid all the bills, and other necessary payments), my MIL never worked and was at home ALL THE TIME, and my FIL worked but kept all his money to himself (we never saw a penny from his salary). My MIL was horrible - she was overprotective towards her house, never let me at least a bit take over the house (even when i changed a position of a vase, a split second later that vase would be returned to its former place), she cooked horrible (when we came home from work the meal would be ready, so i didn't have the chance to cook and show my husband i COULD cook.). We never had any privacy - even when i and my husband decided to sit on the couch and hug each other simply watching TV, MIL would come and sit right next to us (MIL and FIL have a separate TV in their room!), and, my MIL LOVES to give HUGE amount of unwanted advice (imagine, i'm newly wed, want to 'show off' in front of my husband, and here comes she, MRS know-it-all, telling me that i'm ironing my husband's shirt way too wrongly, and need to sweep the floor this way, and not that way!). I started to go crazy bit by bit, and i was also pregnant with all the hormones racing. And also, i forgot to mention, she never liked anything i or my husband did, and would complain over everything and everyone, and her fights with her husband were ENDLESS!! (imagine, a newly wed couple, with endless fights in their home). I never felt myself home there. Soon i talked with my husband regarding moving out, and he said NO way.
During my whole pregnancy i was depressed and crying my eyes out. Soon my husband decided that we really needed to move out, on one condition only - if we bought earth and built a house. He didn't want to hear about buying an apartment or renting an apartment. But we needed to have much-MUCH money for that!
Soon i had my baby, and had to stay at home till she got a bit older. I stayed at home with my MIL, as FIL and my husband were at work. Needless to mention that all those 8-9 months i spent at home with her were AWFUL! I never trusted her with my baby, and considered getting a baby-sitter (!) in order to get back to work..................
We found a perfect baby-sitter and i left for work. So the baby-sitter and MIL watched my baby together. I still bring up the subject of renting or buying an apartment (buying apartment would be cheaper than building a house!), but in vain. He still doesn't want to listen the word 'apartment'. But he's working real hard and making money faster than before, but still, i think there are still 3-4 years till we can move out! he now himself often dreams aloud, saying 'i wish we lived separately from my parents', and i tell him 'then why don't you agree to do it ASAP, buy an apartment or rent one', and he says 'no way, i'd never buy an apartment and no word about renting, please'. So, i'm going crazier day-by-day. Now we're married for 2.5 years, and our daughter is 21 months old. I'm planning to take her to daycare when she turns 2.
Thanks for listening to my long vent and please give me any advice
Thanks a lot