ms_g's picture

leaving my son to his dad

hi everyone, thought id try this and see if this is a proper choice. i'll try to make it short.

me and my husband have been married for nearly 4years and have a beautiful 3year old son and the 2/1/2years out of that marriage was us living apart from each other fighting and blaming each other for after lets just say he "unknowingly cheated" and me cheating after he did, everything in our marriage lost its meaning.I have been unhappy and miserable living with him maybe its cause of what he did that just kills me living in the same house with him, we seperated a couple of times but right now were back living in the same house we get a long fine and we've stopped squabling after i said im leaving him since he is not going to leave me and my son, so we made a decision to seperate and that i'll leaving my son to him as it is practical, since i am not stable enough to take my son with me thoughts of putting my child through a hardship just to be with me isnt something i would do and we talked about stability for our son and we've agreed that it is best for him to stay with my husband rather than me, the thoughts of sacrificing not to be able to see my son is hard enuf i havent left my sons side since he was born and although i dont want to leave him behind i have to because he has seen me and his dad fighting all the time even though he is 3yrs old he notices that we are not happy being in the same room together and that there is no love for both of us, my son is only 3 but he gets upset when his dad tries to hug me. i dont want my son to grow up having both parents but miserably together..

aunt tessie's picture
aunt tessie

Being a child of divorce isn't easy. Even though you and your husband don't love each other it sounds like you both love your child however before you just walk away and leave your child with your husband I would legally have something in place that guarentees your rights as his mother. My sister and a girlfreind went through kind of the same thing and left their children with the fathers and actually regretted their decision because the dads changed once they got the kids. Your son needs the consistency of knowing when he will see you routinely. Every child has a right to love and be involved with both parents and don't forget when another woman or man comes into the picture it makes it even harder on the child. All you son needs is love from both of you. I don't know your reasons for leaving him with his dad but think it through before you agree to something that may huant you. It is tough for either parent to let go and it isn't fair all the way around.

2xstepmom's picture

Your son will suffer a great deal of hardship from you making the choice to leave him. Have you and your husband been to therapy to try to save your marriage? From what you have stated it seems that you and your husband need to learn to make the decision to put your son first in your lives. Your son did not ask to be born and now that he is here, it is the moral obligation of you both as his parents to get your act together. In order for you son to have stability, he needs both of his parents living together in a stable home. It may not be easy for you to let the past go and make the choice to work together as a married couple and it can be done.

Think about how unhappy and miserable you are feeling now. Multiply that by 100 and that is how your son will feel when you are gone. He will be devastated beyond measure. How can you think his life could possibly be better after not being able to be with the mommy who has not left his side since the day he was born? You will be putting him through the worst kind of hardship by taking yourself away from him. Do the right thing and make your son and not your feelings the priority in your life. This is intended to help you make the best choice for your child.