Sallya's picture
Sallya

In-laws moved in and I can't take it anymore

This is kind of a long story so here goes...My husband and I bought a house together after we worked so hard for five years to save up enough money. We lived together for over a year before we got married in July 2010. Two months after we got married, his parents moved in with us.

They did not plan their finances very well and when they were both laid off (they work at the same place), they had no money to fall back on and were kicked out of the place they were renting. When my husband and his parents talked about them living with us, both my husband and my in-laws guaranteed me that it only would be for 6 months. They promised to find jobs and move out after 6 months. I wanted to help them because they had no where else to go so I let them move in.

When the 6 month mark came, I asked my husband why neither of his parents seem interested in moving out like they promised. He got angry that I was even considering kicking HIS parents out of our house and we had a huge argument about it. Well, I want to think I'm a reasonable, patient person so I sat down with my husband and his parents and we came up with another compromise. His parents can stay for another 6 months. But they MUST actively look for work. If they don't have anything by the end of 6 months, they're out. No questions.

Well, July 2010 was over two years ago, and guess what? My in-laws are still living with us. And to add to it all, I lost my job recently, my in-laws are still unemployed and my husband has to pay for everything now until I can get back to work.

I found living with my in-laws while I was employed to be awkward, uncomfortable, annoying, and irritating at the best of times. These were kind of minor things, like my belongings being moved without my knowledge or permission. My MIL hogging the meal preparation. My FIL being obsessed with watching sports and occasionally tying up our TV for a whole day.

In the last few months since I've been unemployed, I rapidly found out how intolerable living with my in-laws has become. Now that I'm not making money anymore, I get constantly criticized. I get told that I'm not doing my part because my husband has to pay for all of us now. I am demeaned and undermined in my own home constantly. I feel like an unwanted child because I'm criticized all the time in MY own house. My husband and I are rarely intimate anymore. When my in-laws aren't criticizing me, they are arguing with each other. On several occasions I have had screaming arguments with my husband because of his parents living with us and he refuses to kick them out. On a couple of those occasions I packed up some bags and actually stayed at my parents' house for a couple of weeks before I inevitably return to even more criticism.

I am at my wit's end. I want to think of myself as a patient, understanding person but from the looks of things, my in-laws are not going to move out at all and I don't know how much more I can take of them. At this point, I am contemplating a divorce just to get away from my in-laws. Is there anything I can do short of getting a divorce?



junieg's picture
junieg
If your husband is not prepared to listen to how you feel and do something about getting his parents moving then I feel that you will ultimately have to move out again and stay at your parents or find an affordable apartment until he comes to his senses. Your in-laws are freeloading and don't seem to care. You are getting absolutely no respect from them or your husband. Tell him that you are no longer prepared to compromise your married life together. hope things work out for you.
chjmk's picture
chjmk
My hubby was a long time learning to cut those apron strings, too. It must be a man thing! The way I see it, you've got to sit down and have a serious talk about your need for privacy as a couple, the benefit of being alone and building your own home and marriage. Tell him you sympathize. BUT, this talk may have to wait until the finances even out alot more! Patience... It might help to think of how hard it would be for hubby to feel caught between his wife and his parents. No one is happy! Typical man strategy is to not deal with it. There's so much pressure on him and on you... get out of the house as much as you can and just deal with each problem individually as if it isn't related to anything else. You sound perceptive and tolerant, and I doubt it will be hard for you to be creative and use your thinker. Good luck!
Laramiewyatt1970's picture
Laramiewyatt1970
I to am trying to get my in-laws out of my home and it's about to cost me and my wife our marriage, they said they would pay half of the bills and half of the monthly mortgage well it's been 9 months and they have not come up with any of it so when do you say you have had enough ? I love my wife but there is love and there is bleeding a person dry
jimcrich's picture
jimcrich
I'd go for a divorce since your husband is OBVIOUSLY NOT with you in this marriage and considers his parents way more important than you or your feelings. Why waste your life with such a partner. IT'S YOUR LIFE - DON'T WASTE IT!