babydoll's picture

How do I get my daughter back *cry*

I'm new to this and none of my friends can help me so I thought I would try this. Hoping someone out there could give me some advice. I divorced my 1st husband 10yrs ago when my daughter was a couple of years old, she is now 12, nearly 13. Since then we have never been apart. I had remarried happily for 8yrs and have a another daughter now 6yrs old. Up until now we were a seemingly happy family. My daughter being preteen thinks everything revolves around her, her mood swings, her grumpiness we thought was her hormones..Until the fateful day about 3weeks ago when a normal lunch at mums ended up being the worse day of our lives. My family have always interferred with everything and I seem to be the one to do things for everyone except myself. I think im a good mum, i love my kids and protect them and do the best that i know how. My husband was reprimanding my older daughter and my sister and mum intervened, they had never really accepted my husband. My mum rang my ex husband and told him my husband consistently yells at my daughter for no reason and he should come get her. So he did and she wanted to go with him. Now she wont talk to me or my husband, says she hates us and said she doesnt want to talk to me every again. Ive tried everything, but now its nearly 4 weeks and she still feels the same. We have never been apart for longer than a couple of days and Im finding it really hard to cope. How do I get her back, how do i repair this? Ive apologised, ive begged, i dont know what else to do????

2xstepmom's picture

Seems like there is some missing information here. Why would your mother do something as drastic as calling your ex to take your daughter away from you? This is an extreme reaction to a child being reprimanded unless they felt an intervention was necessary to protect your daughter. Have to tried to legally get your daughter back? Unless your ex has legal grounds can he just keep your 12 y/o daughter from you?

babydoll's picture

my family are warped, my husband is quite strict, not as strict as my upbringing, my mum used to hit us with a wooden spoon! They have always been overprotective of my daughter as she doesnt have both natural parents bringing her up. My husband does yell at both kids when they are doing something wrong, thats it. He has bought her up since she was 1yr old. He is always quarraling with my mum, they cant stand each other. My daughter has never connected with my husband they are always at each others throats, she feels she would be going against her natural dad if she connected with my husband, she always taunts our younger child who is only 6 and thats where alot of the quarrels come from. Its a mess, she wont speak to me and said im a terrible mum and said she never wants to see me again.

aunt tessie's picture
aunt tessie

I am a child of divorce and also a step parent. I know that I usually had to be the one to reprimand my step daughter and honestly it should have been her dad. Alot of time parents get lazy and don't want to be the bad guy so the step parent has to step up and it causes alot of resentment with the step child. Maybe you need to step up and not put it on your husband. If your daughter needs to be disciplined it should come from you and her father. Unfortunatley the kids don't get to choose who there parents spend their lives with. Alot of times parents expect the kids to just listen and conform to their step parents and it causes alot of frustration for the kid and step parent. Your daughter probably feels like he has no right to reprimand and that it should be coming from you. If she was doing something wrong and you were there why didn't you step in. There are boundaries in every relationship and a level of respect that needs to be met. It isn't easy and I wish you luck.

yoyo-mit1's picture

Lots of praying and just let it go for a minute. It hurts but she will come around. Give her space and continue praying. Prayer Works!! I promise!!!