mrs.nwh's picture
mrs.nwh

HELP! my MIL is literally about to put me in a mental institution!! No lie!

I have been married since april 2011. I love my husband dearly, he is the best man God could have ever blessed me with. But the package that came with him wasn't such a blessing. Since we the announcement of our engagement its been like WW3 with my MIL. I have tried to be nice, I have even moved 4 hours away, but nothing seems to fix things. Recently my husband and I hit a very hard financial downfall and had to move back to where our families live. And in turn we are stayin with family (yes even my monster in law) til the 3rd week in nov. until our house is ready to go. My mil has worked maybe 3 yrs out of her 47 yrs of living otherwise she has lived off the govn. or unemployment or a settlement from this that and the other for no real good reason. Now she is currently having to work for minimum wage at a gas station 2nd shift because she didn't go look for a job when she could have. I have been out of a job for 2 weeks and that's due to our recent relocation and already had two interviews. I cook the meals at her house do the laundry (mine and my hubby, his two sisters (16 & 19) and his mothers) do the dishes clean and do all the grocery shopping. She has yet to tell me thank you. She has fussed for folding the towels a way she doesn't like or bleaching the towels different then she does. I left dishes one night because I had a migraine and she asked why I didn't do the dishes. In our local newspaper is a sudoku puzzle that I do when I get a paper. Sunday I got up and went and got a Sunday paper for my mil and I. The Sunday paper has the coupons. Sunday was busy busy. Monday I went to get my puzzle and it had been clipped out of the paper!!! This is only the beginning of her spite. Does she just like me to my face? What do I do. I love my husband but so help me I'm not walking on egg shells for the rest of my life.



frustratedauntie's picture
frustratedauntie
I have been married for 23 years and my MIL never accepted me she pulled alot of BS with me too. My grandmother never really accepted my Mom and my sister's MIL is the same way. I truly think wives get the blame for "taking their baby away". I had to live with my inlaws for a month before our house was ready and every morning when my husband went to work I went window shopping and was gone all day until he came home and when he got home we went out again because I couldn't take it. Just breathe grit your teeth and count the days until you can get out of there. Meanwhile maybe you could try to talk to your husband in a neutral environment and ask for his help.
Pearl333's picture
Pearl333
That's hard. It also sounds to me like it could be envy. Moms feel a little replaced by the new wife which plants the seed for sour feelings but if it's an upgrade model it might be intimidating. You work, obviously cook, clean, and take care of your family. She obviously has a trait of not being a high achiever. I'm sure shevisn't too proud of where she is and maybe you make her feel less adiquet. Not at all your fault. Keep being you and maybe if that is how she feels she will get over it and appreciate you. I Garuntee she will miss your help when you leave.
chjmk's picture
chjmk
I too lived with my in-laws 30 days. In the end, I did much better realizing how hard it was for everyone. Legitimate or not in my eyes (because I tried very hard to get along, too), each party had their own gripes and was making sacrifice. It helped to get away as much as possible and meet my best gal pal for coffee to vent. Family dynamics will continually evolve-- it can take years to understand these people you did not grow up with. So give it patience and try not to lose hope. In the mean time, put on your thinking cap and try not to get into any battles. It may be hard, but say thank you every chance you get. If your MIL has a favorite bubble bath, chocolate or wine, surprise her and say how grateful you are. Be smart about showing extra love and support to your hubby, using every chance to show you are a loving wife. My MIL cares MOST how I treat my hubby, noticing every kindness I pay him. Deep breath... Good luck!
amanda_nyc's picture
amanda_nyc
I believe that you and your MIL need to have a good heart-to-heart conversation. Yes, it can be tough, especially when you're just a few feet away from each other. Will it be any comfort if you can ask her to bring her side of the story too and let people chime in their views? This way, you won't get bogged down by emotions that can cloud good judgment. A few weeks back, I've stumbled upon eQuibbly where folks who are in a messy situation like yours share their woes to have peace of mind, once and for all. If I knew back then, I would have taken my ex-MIL to the stand so we can have the peace of mind we deserve; it's sad we went the indifference lane though. Hope you get things sorted out before the same fate happens to you. Good luck!