Help MIL wants to move in!?!?!?!?!
Hi everyone. PLEASE help. I don't know what to do. I just got married in December of '07. My husband and I have been dating since January of '07. I have no kids and he has 2 girls from 2 previous marriages (a daughter from each marriage). They are 10 and 4. The 10 year old comes every other weekend. Last year when we had only been dating 2 months the 4 year old's mom dropped her off and skipped town to another state. So basically I already had a shocker to deal with learning how to be a mom to a little girl (she was 2 almost 3 at the time).
Then a few months later my husband's mom (who was living with his sister but he his sister moved up north) so his mom moved next door to us. It has been MISERABLE. She's nice to me for the most part but she's passively evil and extremely needy. So she has been living next door to us for almost a year. She has rheamatoid (however you spell it) arthritis and she asked us to do EVERYTHING. It's sooooo annoying.
And I always felt sorry for her until February of this year when I found out that that was her first appointment with the rheamatologist and she's had this disease for 5 years!!!! And if you don't know anything about this disease if you don't get treatment right away the damage is unrepairable. So basically the doctors can kinda sorta put your disease on pause and help it not get any worse with certain medicines but they CANNOT go back and repair the damage to your joints and tissues that has already occured. Anyway so we've been busting on butt on a daily basis to do EVERYTHING for her. and the doctor tells her not to eat sweets and she literally (i'm not making this up) sleeps with a bag of oreos under her pillow!!!!
The doctor tells her to exercise and she will call me to come over just to get something out of her car, which is parked right in her driveway not even 10 feet from her front door! We bought her an exercise bike and she won't use it.
Anyway, to the main part of the story. She is begging to move in with us and us buy a bigger house and she'll give us like $40,000 to put down on it. I know that's a great deal for us but I don't know if I can take it. If we do that then she will probably hold it over our heads all the time. And i've seen how she lives. She is a complete slob!!! When she comes over she'll leave cup cake wrappers lying around. i'm not kidding. She's 63 years old. I thought only kids ate like that. Before she moved next door she stayed the night with us one night and she slept in my stepdaughter's bed... we had pizza that night for dinner and the next day after she left I found a breadstick in the bed.. My stepdaughter wasn't even here, she was staying the weekend at her mothers, so it was my mil!!! Crazy huh?
So anyway, i get anxiety everytime she comes around and even the sound of her voice is like nails on a chockboard. I can't stand her. What do i do? My husband is torn between the issue. He is so supportive and listens to my irritations but he's in love with the idea of gettting a bigger house and getting a free $40,000 down on it. I don't think it's worth my happiness. And one more thing, my MIL throws crying temper tantroms when something doesn't go her way.
Anyway, I'm sorry for such a long story. but i've been crying myself to sleep over this.