threatened lady's picture
threatened lady

help am i just being silly?

Ok, so this is the problem i have.

I am married to a great guy and my mil and fil are fab. The problem is with my bil and his wife to be. they are not married yet and she calls them mum and dad and gives them cards and presents on their b'days and on mother's and father's day.

It feels like she is trying to compete with me, as the in laws were told about them wanting to get married  a few months after we got married and ever since then i have not had a chance to have my first mothers/father's day and their b'day's with them cuz she has had some existance in this.

wot really got to me was that is was her b'day and they wanted to give her a card that said dil and when me and my hubby were dating they just got me a happy b'day card.

they say they treat everyone the same, but to that isn't and looks like they are favouring her when she aint even part of the family yet.

So what to you guys think? I think i feel threatened by her as she wants to get in there and be part of the family already, cant you wait until it is your time? I feel as thos she has rained on my parade when it was meant to be me as the newly wed!! I feel gutted and no good. My husband tries to reassure me but when we fight, it isn't even about us, it is the sil to be!!! Please help me!!!



junieg's picture
junieg

Get over it.
Maybe your future sister-in-law doesn't have or never has had a proper mother-daughter relationship. Maybe she is just a nicer person. Think about it. I know I sound harsh, but I can not see what your problem is. Time to grow up. Why don't you try making friends with her instead of letting your jealousy ruin everybody's lives.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

I could not have said it better! You are a good person and so much better than letting jealousy overtake you.

im_a_flymom's picture
im_a_flymom

yes, you ARE being silly.

tamz's picture
tamz

Wow! You are so jealous of your sil that you would allow her to come between you and your husband. Why would you fight with him about this, he has no power over this. I think your focus should be on your marriage and on building a friendship with your in-laws. Don't worry about what realationship your sil has with the family, just enjoy your new position for what it is.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I agree w/ what everyone is saying to an extent. But at what point shld you say enough is enough. Right now, I don't see your s-i-l as a problem. But be cautious. Your s-i-l may just be a genuinely nice person, or this cld be the early signs of trouble. I know first hand from my experience w/ a s-i-l who's a true witch. Whatever you do, don't try to compete. Just be yourself. Do whatever you have to do to keep your s-i-l from getting under your skin. I did that, and it only made matters worse. Be strong for yourself and the rest of the family. If something bothers you enough that you can't blow it off, address it right away, don't wait til it escalates. If your s-i-l is being competitive it's all b/c she doesn't feel secure enough to be herself. From what you said, though, I wldn't worry so much about it now. Good luck!

threatened lady's picture
threatened lady

thanks for your honesty!! Made me think about how I am being, and to an extent i can agree with wot ppl are saying. What i dont understand is that she isn't even part of the family yet (they get married next yr)and she wants to impress them, y not wait until your married and that way you know things they like, dislike.

When we talk, we get on really well, it's just these things she does that makes me feel that she wants to do one over on me and be the better one out of us both.

junieg's picture
junieg

As I've said on a thread before, we are only hearing one side of a story here, and we are trying to help and make judgements solely by what you say. I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but you did sound so jealous. Perhaps just the way you came across.

tamz's picture
tamz

threatened, you still sound jealous to me. Don't worry about if she does or does not "one over" on you. Just try to be the best person, wife and in-law as you can be and that is all you should worry yourself about. It is not a competition, no one has to be the better one. Even if she is not married into the family yet, im sure she feels a part of it since she is engaged to your bil. I can just imagine whats going to happen to your poor children when they come along, do yourself a favor and decide that its not a competition NOW before you put any potential children in the same position you are in right now. Just do your best and that is all you can do!

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I agree w/ tamz completely. You need to set a good expl for your future children. Just be yourself, and try not to let your s-i-l bother you.

Jothegrill's picture
Jothegrill

I understand your concern a little. The future in-law wants already married status without being married. That is a problem. Marriage should mean something. I'm sorry that you feel cheated. Make sure it doesn't ruin things for you though, it sounds like you have very kind and loving in-laws. Just enjoy it, and try to love everyone the best that you can.