TEEJAY's picture
TEEJAY

Funeral VS. Reunion

I am supposed to be the DJ at my family reunion this weekend in Tennessee. I got a call yesterday that one of my best friends mother has passed and the funeral is Saturday in Florida. I have already paid for the reunion activities. My girlfriend thinks that I should go to the reunion because everyone's counting on me. I think that I should be there to support my friend. We got into a fight about it. What do you think?



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I think that you shld talk to your family about the situation. It's your family. It's not like you were hired by an outsider for an event, and you're being paid for it. Is there anyone else in your family that cld fill in for you? I'm sure they wld be disappointed that you're not there, but I think your family wld understand. Things happen that are out of our control. You have to weigh the situation, and decide what is more important to you. It's a hard choice, and I know you don't want to hurt anyone, but you have to make it. Don't let your girlfriend or anyone else make the decision for you. If you want my opinion, though, I wld attend the funeral. Someone cld always fill in for you, or your family cld always bring music w/ them to play at the reunion. I know it's not the same, but if you don't mind parting w/ the money you put towards the activities, and your family is understanding about the whole thing, I don't see why you shldn't go to the funeral.

joannmckean's picture
joannmckean

Here's an alternate view. I hate funerals and only go when it's unavoidable. Go to the reunion and then go to the friend's because that's when everyone else will be going on with their lives and he/she will be still in shock and need you.

Jellybeanlover's picture
Jellybeanlover

here is my two cents. both the previous comments are right. family is understanding, friends are too. I tend to agree with the idea of going to the family thing first then the friend. As you can send a card, flowers ect.,Going to the family reunion first is important as this may be your one chance to see someone who may not be there next year. death comes and we don't know who will be next. My mom recently lost her husband, whom none of us knew well. We each called her and expressed our saddness to her, and asked if she would like us there. My sister and I didn't make the trip due to families and the cost of tickets. But we would have found a way if Mom had said 'come'. Our brother has been living closer to mom so he was there for the funeral. A few weeks later we each got money and tickets and were able to go visit mom and get together. Mom was in shock for close to six weeks, she said and did many odd things durning that time. Today she is doing much better and says that those days were a blur to her, she knew we were there, but can't recall what we talked about or what we did. I have wondered if I should have sent the card,ect. and waited even longer to see her as things were such a blur. I know this is not your mom, but it is my understanding that people who loose someone i.e. death/divorce go thru stages. and so it explains mom's blur time. Your friend is dear to you, but his mom isn't going to know if your there or not. I don't mean to sound harsh there. Your family is living and you may take the chance of not seeing someone next reunion. Just a thought to add to those already said.