kim12345kids's picture

Family is a mess

this all started about a year ago my daughter age 17 came to me and told me she was pregnant,but first let me tell about me and my family i am a single mom i have 5 children ,one of which is age 18 with a mind of a 3 to 5 yr old ,two of my kids have ADHD ,i have been raising my kids by myself with some help from my mother due to their father moving out and deciding he needed a new life that did not include us .i have been raising them alone since almost 10 yrs ago .i have never dated due to trying to be the best mom i can be i have at the worse of times gone with out even food for my children because i knew it would give them more ,i have finished school and worked my way up from poor to being working class i work out of my home so that i can care for the kids ,my daughter being pregnant didnt make it better she started staying out all the time saying she was with a friend which i know now it was all lies, she is now 17 and came to me 8 months ago told me she was pregnant by her boyfriend but during this time before she brought a guy in playing to be the boyfriend which was not him because i found out later he was older ,she moved out and the law said i could nothing about it ,just today after being a snoop i found out he is even older he is only 6 yrs younger than me ! once again the law can do nothing ,he has a ex wife and 5 other kids ,after this morning we exchanged words ,then he blew me away telling me that i was a bad mom ,that my daughter knew all about his life,and that i could do nothing about them being together this broke my heart i have tried so hard for my kids ,after talking with her i found out she knew and what is worse she told him lies about me he thinks i kicked her out ,i would never ,told him her brother has beat her ,he would never then she blamed me saying i told her all her life she was a burden ,i would never .i have 2 young children still in the home after talking with my best friend who says i should just say enough is enough ,im not sure what to do im very mad that he would talk to me the way he did screaming all the mean things he did .should i just put space between her and the family ,i dont want to loose my daughter and soon to be grandson im just at a lost ..and broken heart she told me so many lies about this mess i would need to write a book to include them all .i would never talk to some one like he did me today .

2xstepmom's picture

This is a difficult situation. You should be proud of yourself for putting your children first for 10 years and doing the right thing for them.

Your daughter has made a heartbreaking decision and you really can do nothing about her choices. All you can do is be there for her, even when that is not easy to do. My daughter spent 5 1/2 years in an abusive relationship and there were many scenes like the ones you describe. It is devastating to have to watch your child make what you feel are self-destructive choices, but it is her life and she has to make her own mistakes. Try to back off and do what you have to do to have access to your grandson. Your daughter may need your help at some point and you will need to be there for her. If I had not left the door wide open, my daughter has told me she would still be being abused by her ex. Now that she is out of the situation, she has thanked me over and over for telling her that while I was not happy with her choices, I would always be there for her when she decided she had had enough.

Now that your daughter has decided to be in an adult situation, treat her like an adult. This is not what you wanted for her, but she is now going to be a mother and will need your support.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't 17 still a minor? Why can't the law do something about this? Anybody?