sueanna's picture

Daughter wants to move - Mom doesn't want her to

In the red corner is Patty, a major in rocket science who is graduating college in a couple of months. There are no job prospects for her in Smallville (her hometown), and she doesn't like the sleepy lifestyle anyway. After job hunting, she lands an engineering position in Gotham City, 2000 miles away. With her new high salary and flex PTO schedule, Patty can afford to fly to Smallville a couple of times a year if not more.

In the blue corner is Phyllis, Patty's mom. Phyllis still lives in Smallville and is devastated that Patty wants to move to Gotham City. She'd rather Patty stay within a two-hour radius of Smallville so she can visit Patty often. That is her only reason for wanting Patty to live closer to Smallville.

These are the facts. Both women duke it out in an hours-long match. Phyllis insists that Patty turn down the job, and Patty refuses.

Do you feel Patty is selfish? Is Phyllis? Thank you.

junieg's picture
chjmk's picture
Honey, big hug. Yes, you are being totally selfish. But I understand! You have voiced one of my worst looming fears as a mom with 2 college age daughters and my last about to go as well. It is hard to go from making our life's purpose our children to... what, exactly? Hopes and dreams of seeing our children continue to grow and enjoy life, with marriage, and oh-my-goodness little grand babies! They ruin it with THEIR dreams and version of what their life is. But, isn't that the purpose of college? Catching inspiration, becoming all you can be, making a start in the world and stepping into your own destiny? It is. We don't get a say in it. She is young and has a great chance! Let her go and give yourself time to learn to live this new life of yours: a mom with an adult child. Wish her well, help her pack, be her cheerleader. Trust that you will always be mom and the love you both have for each other.