Haylie28's picture
Haylie28

Controlling grandma advise.

I am facing an argument with my beloved grandma who I’m very close too. My children’s birthdays are coming up and she is adamant about me inviting my uncle to their birthdays. I’ll try and make the history with my uncle short… after my first child Hannah was born, he on his best behavior acted as if she didn’t exist, our best guess is because I was a younger mom at 21, and he disapproved of me having her before an education. (This is not just my perspective, and recognized throughout the family). For the first 3.5 years of her life, when he did make it to a family event, he blatantly ignored her existence in the family, (which my grandma tried to act as if he’s just a man not into children) which is infuriating and invalidating to the obvious. He rather is a harsh person, who took pleasure in scaring my child, as the only interaction with my child. After the death of my mom and grandpa, his dad, he made progress by saying hi to her and acting as she was in fact present in the room and in our family. Due to pressure from my grandma to invite him he attended her 4th birthday for 15 min, leaving before any cake or anything obviously obligated and not overly pleased to be there. Instead of holding the past against him I cordially choose to not react to it for my grandma’s sake. Once the shock of the deaths wore off he has slowly became the hard person he was and the last event at his house undoubtedly was rude to my daughter merely a child, and him and I have since then had some communication errors (is a nice way to put it) since we had to text regarding the organization of my grandma’s flight. Now that I’ve caught you up, here is the issue… My grandma is pressuring to me to invite this 50 year old uncle to my childs birthday at little gym. I do not want to send him an invite, let alone have him present. For my grandmas feelings I could just send an invitation knowing he doesn’t really want to come and do that for her. She’s mentioned that she wants to hand deliver the invite (so he can’t say he never received it) Isn’t that a clue that she has some insight that he’ll try to avoid going? I knowing her, know that she’ll guilt trip him into going, as If I want him there (embarrassing) and probably use the deaths as a persuasion for him to make an appearance. This is suppose to be a fun stress free day to celebrate my kids birthdays, how do I tell her it’s not necessary to invite him. Even people who are on good terms with their uncles half the time don’t invite them to a childs party, as you invite people who have kids same age as yours and people who are naturally interested in your children and are at least nice to them?
She plays the conversation as she’s the mature, wise and family oriented one. I’m getting resentful of her not understanding and biased towards her son. I may be wrong but I feel like I already bend more than she thinks. Since I love her so, I am happy to go against every instinct as a mom and put up with him at family events and be nice for the familys sake, but do not want him invited or at my child’s birthday.

Honest thoughts please!!