Break up before Baby
Our 30 yr. old son and his on again off again girlfriend broke up in Dec. Their baby is due 4-1-11. We never got to know her; we live 4 hrs. away. I sent her a note telling her we were thinking about her and Baby an hoped she or her family would call when Baby is born. We heard this angered her as she (posted on social networks) feels the only interest we have in her is the "thing" in her belly. The fact is, we never got to know her even though we extended many invitations. It maybe our son knew the relationship was not working and didn't want to make the relationship a family affair. He's a teacher, and has been on his own for a long time; we have only met one of the other women he dated since college.
So the fact is, now that they've separated, the Baby IS the only connection; however, we have always welcomed all of the significant others' our four children have brought into our family circle with open arms. When we learned of the pregnancy, we offered to give her a shower, but she declined.
We feel very odd; this is our grandchild regardless of the circumstances and from the time we earned of the pregnancy had planned on the mother, her son from a previous relationship and this baby being part of our family. Have we been wrong not to make more of an effort to get to know her after they broke up? Our son is hoping Mommy will agree to put his name on the birth certificate and allow him to have shared custody of this child.